Monday, 26 November 2007

Monday 26/11/07

So as you all know the BLR 07 competition ended last night.  And the winner is…Reader No 3, i.e. this guy below.

He actually writes a blog, which can be found here and has an online gallery with more pictures here

Reader No 3 got 60% of the vote, which is obviously more than everyone else put together.  So well done him.  I’m not gonna say who else got what, but the following results are:

One reader got 18% of the vote

One reader got 11% of the vote

One reader got 6% of the vote

One reader got 5% of the vote

Sadly the Best Looking Reader lives 11,781 miles away from London so it might be a bit difficult to overcome the logistical issues of the first part of the prize which is to sleep with me (if he were that way inclined), but on my part I’m more than happy to keep my promise if he can get on a plane and arrive at my doorstep.  So I’m waiting. 

In the meantime I can transfer the £10 I promised, and also dedicate one day’s post to him as the winning contract describes.  I am currently thinking about the feature. 

Moving on for the moment, I wanted to mention a conversation I was having with Mean earlier today.  The background to this is that over the last few months, I have become more and more hesitant to go out / socialize, whether it’s with new people or – worse – with people who I like and are my friends.  For example, in the last month or so, I have cancelled meeting Mean 3 times in the last minute and I have stayed at home instead. 

This might seem a bit personal to put on a blog read by so many people, but at the same time, I am actually not a real person for most of you who are reading this.  So it doesn’t matter. 

The conversation goes a little something like this. 

Mean (referring to me canceling on him again on Sunday): “It seems that your idiosyncrasies are becoming more and more of an impediment to actually maintaining your friendships” 

Me: “I realize that and you’re right.  I’m finding myself in a weird predicament, where I haven’t been out since August and I’m just getting less used to socializing with people” 

Mean: “Obviously when you don't do something for a while it becomes harder to do. I know you haven't been clubbing since August but you just seem uncomfortable being out at all. It just seems a shame that you might be becoming more distant from the people that actually care about you for your personality/wit etc and not whether your body fat is lower than 8% or whether you can see all 6 abdominal squares” 

Me: “But these things don’t matter to me that much either anymore – I don’t socialize with those people either.  I am starting to worry a little too, and I suppose that’s a good sing in the sense that I at least identify there is a problem.  I know whatever I say now will only matter if I actually follow it up, but I should really make an effort to start doing things again and I’ll try to not pull out again if we do something.  Maybe I should stop writing the blog as this seems to be my main social outlet these days”

Mean: “That was one of the things I thought about yesterday...what actually makes you happy anymore? I also know that you're not oblivious to the fact that you've become more socially withdrawn over recent times. Guess you're probably just a person of extremes: hedonism and debauchery followed by nihilism and misery. 

People always say that the key to being happy is learning to let go of the things that control them. Easier said than done though. For you I suppose the body thing was the way of getting people to notice you without having to make an effort to talk to them (it's easier to overcome shyness that way and it puts you in control), and therefore it's easy to think that losing that (even a little bit) might signal a descent into mediocrity. 

Your key problem is this. Most people in exceptionally good shape are bubbly, outgoing, vacuous, shallow and truth be told a bit thick. It makes their pursuit of bodily perfection straightforward in their mind as they can't appreciate that life is more nuanced and has more meaning than looking good. You've got conflict: trying to maintain the perfect body (as it gives you something that makes you stand out from the crowd, which you don't feel your personality does) whilst realising that it is ultimately fruitless and leads to a slight feeling of emptiness inside”

So yeah, the conclusion is that at least I’m now realizing this is not a road I want to continue going down and I should change my attitude before I actually become agoraphobic.

Finally, to close this joyful Monday post, here’s an actual positive story.  I have some days off work next week and I’m going to Paris.  I’m not there for very long, just 2-3 days.  I’ve never been to Paris before so I just want to do the most obvious touristy things, and go to a gym of course.  I know quite a few people from Paris read this (and have helped when I asked relevant questions before),so here it goes again:

What gym would you recommend that I go to?  I would like something very big and quite nice and not necessarily gay, but possibly a little gay.  Also a swimming pool would help.  Please provide name and address.  I will choose one and go and obviously write a review on here.  Thanks.


Andre said...

I can strangely relate to what you wrote today even if my issues are not related to the appearance of my body. Alcohol works in the same way: it helps me to overcome shyness and I don't need to worry about showing my real personality to the people around me.

It's like what happens with the Linus character from Peanuts. The security blanket is just a device that people use to keep others away, some thing you concentrate your energies on so you won't need to confront the rest. Usually this behaviour not only alienates you from your friends but from your partner to. Do you think that your security blanket has affected your relationship?

Do you think it's a light version of misanthropy? Oh well...

By the way, I'm not glad with the outcome of the competition but cheers on the winner anyway :)

London Preppy said...

andre: I see this whole security blanket thing. I'd definitely say though that it hasn't affected my relationship. Scott sees me in every possible circumstance and there is no room for protecting or hiding myself there.

I'm inclined to agree with the "light version of misanthropy" a bit more, which is a terrible admission though!

Andre said...

I'd like to think that all the most intelligent / successful men from the past were misanthropes.

Poets, philosphers, artists..

But then I read somewhere that most of them just became hermits or suicides. mmmmmmmm....

Bobby Vanquish said...

London P - when I was fat I would go out clubbing but I hated it. I hated myself. I would dance in the corner looking at guys with amazing bodies and wish that I could be like them.

All I wanted was a stomach like a washboard. London P, I guess it was people like you that made me so depressed and upset and resentful of myself.

I used to think "but although I don't have great pecs - I AM interesting, I have an eventful life and an amazing, so why won't guys talk to me?"

London P - do you know what I suddenly thought; I thought fuck 'em. I don't care what other people think. I don't want them to like me.

They are all shallow, vacuous, dull and spend too much time listening to Kylie (they really do).

I sometimes see glimpses of that life when I go out on the odd occasion and I want no part of it. I sometimes look at guys in the QX - who magically seem to appear in it every single issue and I just think "if that's the sum-total of your life then fine - but mine is far fuller and more interesting."

LP, I like to think my life is bigger than Matinee. My life is bigger than The Box. My life is bigger than just dismissing someone because they're not tastefully clothed. Sure, it's kinda important that you look good - but do you know what, fuck it. It's all on the inside that counts. That and that alone.

London P - you know that inside you're bigger than "The Scene". Inside you know you're more interesting and intelligent than most of the guys who you see out.

Are you telling me you really want to stand out amongst a crowd, many of whom you wouldn't want to be stuck in an elvator with if your life depended on it? Why do you want to define youself against those people?

Come on London P, you know you're a better / bigger / more intelligent person than that / them.

kim said...

from reading your BLR 07 winner's blog, I reckon this result is a small, but welcoming surprise to his current situation, so although in person you may be feeling detached and a little misanthropic, you've possibly given a smile to a guy who really needed one.

kim said...

by the way Mr LP, you may be 11,000 miles away, but I'm substantially closer, so if you need a surrogate to fulfil the winner's prize package, I'm happy to step up to the challenge.

Wyler said...

LP, We should all be so lucky as to have a friend like Mean. He seems to be a very wise fellow and knows you awfully well. Of course this reflects very well on you: why would he be your friend if you weren't such a great guy yourself? So forgive the armchair analysis, but could it be that your blog has developed a sort of codependent aspect between yourself and your readers? You seem to need to reveal fairly personal details (warts and all) to your readers and we, your readers, can't get enough of it. Perhaps we all need help. Group therapy anyone?

Raphael said...

I personally like to go by that old Roman mantra "mens sana in corpore sano"... it's a bit tired I know but I think it's a good rule to live by.

Indeed, a lot of good looking people are incredibly dense... IMO though that means when you find a good looking, intelligent person that makes them all the more amazing. haha

I think it's great that you have a superiority complex, because it sure beats walking around on a daily basis feeling inferior to everyone. I think there's a middle ground where you're neither cocky nor self-loating, I wish more people could find that.

I think everyone has their insecurities. I've had friends, guys and girls, who are so unhappy with themselves that it's made ME depressed. Especially when I could see they had such great qualities and couldn't understand why they couldn't see it in themselves.

I guess as for me, I'm a pretty fortunate person, I guess I should be more appreciative of that. However, I'm a perfectionist so I'm never going to stop finding flaws in myself.

Though I don't necessarily find that a bad thing.

The body thing... having a good body helps in getting people to notice, and it does get you noticed, but I don't know, it doesn't really substitute for high esteem and charisma. Well maybe it does for gay guys, that's true (not in my eyes though) but in the straight world the guys with the personality and the like usually reap bigger rewards than good looking guys whose allure fades the second they open their mouths.

I think the reason I have a hard time finding a relationship-worthy person is I hold myself up to such high standards that I figure surely someone else out there has to do the same...

Anyway, enjoy Paris... I actually am jealous of the "workouts around the world" thing you have going on... I usually love to visit gyms in the various places I go, and when I'm in Brazil I always do, but I've yet to work out in Europe. It has to be a fun experience. I was doing a bit of reesarch on Parisian gyms when I was planning to study abroad in Paris (this didn't come to fruition however) and there are definitely some great ones, though I forgot where they all were. I'm sure one of your Parisian readers will be a better help on that one.

Personally I could be happy anywhere as long as there was a good enough gym around.

DAVID said...

#3 was my favorite. I'm surprised Tyler (from the people that comment here) didn't submit. The picture that pops up next to his name looks pretty good, unless that's really him.

MrM said...

One word: depression.
One solution: introspection.
And taking too much Omega 3 as well, of course(only halfway kidding).
Not being into gyms myself - but having ears and eyes, and wandering the streets of the fine city of Paris on a a daily basis, I think the best advice for luxe and efficiency might be L'Usine ( - Rue de la Michodière in the Second), whilst for the scary combination of gay and culture, I'd pop by the Vit'Halles on Rue Rambuteau, which is both the big gym closest to the gay(er?) area, and right in front of the Pompidou Center ( Which means you can both check out one of their currently six exhibitions + collections before pumping adrenalin and checking out the one man I'm currently obsessing with - or maybe not. Or maybe you should just ask someone who actually goes to a gym. Or... whatever.
Bon voyage!

Neil said...

1. Blogs are awesome therapy and totally free.
2. How your managing to sustain such functional relationship is both
a) a testiment to yourself
b) hope for everyone else
3. good friends are there whatever, should you see them once a fucking millenium doesnt really matter, nothing really changes between you. Friends who require 'maintanance'are......
4. To everyone out there who continually knock all the pretty people: ALL people are real, stupid or not, buff or fat, pretty or ugly. Easy as it is to try and dismiss people for their vacuity, vanity, idiocy, chances are your just projecting your own inadequacies, which is totally boring dont you think? Rather than raising yourself up through knocking others down. Why not just raise yourself up fullstop?
5. Try a cognitive reframe on the whole staying in malarky. Maybe your simply becoming increasingly comfortable in your own skin and enjoy spending time in your own company rather than peacocking around London.
Bars are boring, noisey and expensive, cafe's a bit pointless and as mucc as i love restaurants, given your food habits, probably not a great place for you to hang out either.
Just do what you want and what makes you happy i.e. gym, staying in etc. just maybe get your friends to join in those experiences a bit more.
6. Maybe you have become consumed by a blogging, like you do when you first discover gaydar, clubs, drugs etc. Sad for you, good for your readers

chin up :)

PS - why not try some charity work

george said...

maybe you just need time there a time limit to how much time you take? your ready when your ready......are you harming anyone or yourself? but i think canceling on your friend, mean, last minutes is just treat mean the way a good friend should be

jacob henry said...

what happened to poor kosmokrator??

Brian said...

what happened to Kosmo's blog????
it's not up anymore!