Reader No 3 got 60% of the vote, which is obviously more than everyone else put together. So well done him. I’m not gonna say who else got what, but the following results are:
One reader got 18% of the vote
One reader got 11% of the vote
One reader got 6% of the vote
One reader got 5% of the vote
Sadly the Best Looking Reader lives 11,781 miles away from London so it might be a bit difficult to overcome the logistical issues of the first part of the prize which is to sleep with me (if he were that way inclined), but on my part I’m more than happy to keep my promise if he can get on a plane and arrive at my doorstep. So I’m waiting.
In the meantime I can transfer the £10 I promised, and also dedicate one day’s post to him as the winning contract describes. I am currently thinking about the feature.
Moving on for the moment, I wanted to mention a conversation I was having with Mean earlier today. The background to this is that over the last few months, I have become more and more hesitant to go out / socialize, whether it’s with new people or – worse – with people who I like and are my friends. For example, in the last month or so, I have cancelled meeting Mean 3 times in the last minute and I have stayed at home instead.
This might seem a bit personal to put on a blog read by so many people, but at the same time, I am actually not a real person for most of you who are reading this. So it doesn’t matter.
The conversation goes a little something like this.
Mean (referring to me canceling on him again on Sunday): “It seems that your idiosyncrasies are becoming more and more of an impediment to actually maintaining your friendships”
Me: “I realize that and you’re right. I’m finding myself in a weird predicament, where I haven’t been out since August and I’m just getting less used to socializing with people”
Mean: “Obviously when you don't do something for a while it becomes harder to do. I know you haven't been clubbing since August but you just seem uncomfortable being out at all. It just seems a shame that you might be becoming more distant from the people that actually care about you for your personality/wit etc and not whether your body fat is lower than 8% or whether you can see all 6 abdominal squares”
Me: “But these things don’t matter to me that much either anymore – I don’t socialize with those people either. I am starting to worry a little too, and I suppose that’s a good sing in the sense that I at least identify there is a problem. I know whatever I say now will only matter if I actually follow it up, but I should really make an effort to start doing things again and I’ll try to not pull out again if we do something. Maybe I should stop writing the blog as this seems to be my main social outlet these days”
Mean: “That was one of the things I thought about yesterday...what actually makes you happy anymore? I also know that you're not oblivious to the fact that you've become more socially withdrawn over recent times. Guess you're probably just a person of extremes: hedonism and debauchery followed by nihilism and misery.
People always say that the key to being happy is learning to let go of the things that control them. Easier said than done though. For you I suppose the body thing was the way of getting people to notice you without having to make an effort to talk to them (it's easier to overcome shyness that way and it puts you in control), and therefore it's easy to think that losing that (even a little bit) might signal a descent into mediocrity.
Your key problem is this. Most people in exceptionally good shape are bubbly, outgoing, vacuous, shallow and truth be told a bit thick. It makes their pursuit of bodily perfection straightforward in their mind as they can't appreciate that life is more nuanced and has more meaning than looking good. You've got conflict: trying to maintain the perfect body (as it gives you something that makes you stand out from the crowd, which you don't feel your personality does) whilst realising that it is ultimately fruitless and leads to a slight feeling of emptiness inside”
So yeah, the conclusion is that at least I’m now realizing this is not a road I want to continue going down and I should change my attitude before I actually become agoraphobic.
Finally, to close this joyful Monday post, here’s an actual positive story. I have some days off work next week and I’m going to Paris. I’m not there for very long, just 2-3 days. I’ve never been to Paris before so I just want to do the most obvious touristy things, and go to a gym of course. I know quite a few people from Paris read this (and have helped when I asked relevant questions before),so here it goes again:
What gym would you recommend that I go to? I would like something very big and quite nice and not necessarily gay, but possibly a little gay. Also a swimming pool would help. Please provide name and address. I will choose one and go and obviously write a review on here. Thanks.