So on Saturday and on Sunday Scott and I go to a whole different gym to the ones we usually go to – of course it the same chain but a different site. This one is in west London, in a suburb where lots of Australians / South Africans / etc live. Because it’s not central London, most of these people are straight.
The bad thing about straight guys is that they are very infrequently hot. The good thing is that when you do find the odd one that is hot, he’s hotter than 6.5 groomed, tanned, plucked and preened gays put together.
This weekend, we’re actually lucky enough to encounter 2 of those straight guys. I won’t go into it in great length because I’m sure the gym talk gets boring, but: the Saturday guy has amazing intense arms, not great legs and a good face and the Sunday guy has amazing intense arms, great legs and an almost OK face. What elevates both those guys above human levels of attraction in my eyes though, is that they’re both extremely pale / white. I think I’m getting to the stage where if somebody’s glowing white I have more chance of fancying them then if they’re muscled. No wait, I take that back, they have to be both glowing white AND muscled.
And here’s a picture of somebody who combines both and even though I don’t like the face much, it gives you a good idea of what I’m talking about in terms of skin tone (well he could be just a little paler but I can’t find any better pictures, it seems that everyone on the internet has to have a stupid fake tan – including me of course).
Anyway, as I’m flying to Iceland tomorrow (current temperature -4 to 2 degrees C) on Monday I have to pack. And this is what I’m taking with me, carefully laid on my bed at 1330 on Monday afternoon.
In the picture we see:
1: One pair of brown leather Gucci boots (which I don’t like wearing in adverse weather conditions because I’m scared I’ll ruin them), one pair of brown Timberland boots (which I don’t like wearing because they are fucking hard and painful and I can’t walk in them), one pair of Nike Air Force One white trainers (which only go with shorts so I can’t really wear in Iceland anyway).
2. Three pairs of jeans (2 pairs from Diesel, 1 pair from Energie). I don’t know how well a pair of jeans manages to keep you warm in sub-zero temperatures so I’m also taking…
3. …a pair of candy striped (white / pale blue / pink) pajama bottoms from H&M and my old tae-kwon-do trousers to wear underneath my jeans (must dress in layers).
4. Two big coats. One navy blue pea coat from Ralph Lauren and one white, waterproof coat from Polo Sport by Ralph Lauren, which should help me blend in with the snow and avoid aggressive reindeer if circumstances call for it.
5. Six pairs of football socks to be worn on top of each other (simultaneously). Also there, two pairs of gloves (one pair of black leather gloves from Hugo Boss, one pair of grey woolen gloves form Replay to be worn in top of each other (ditto).
6. Old t-shirt, old pair of shorts to wear in bed at night. Naturally t-shirt will be tucked in underwear, shorts will be added on top, football socks will be worn pulled up to the knees.
7. Long sleeved tops. These include 2 jumpers from Lyle & Scott, 1 jumper from H&M, 1 Dolce & Gabbana sweater, 1 sweat top from Boxfresh.
8. Two long sleeved shirts (1 pink from H&M, 1 blue striped one from the Gap) to be worn underneath sweaters, for that timeless “Mummy taught me to dress in layers” look.
9. Short sleeved tops. Three t-shirts, three polo shorts. Amazingly, none of these tops are skin tight and disgustingly revealing, as I’m only planning to wear them underneath jumpers / other tops for layering.
10. Headwear. The highlight of the trip for me. One knitted hat bought from market stall in Athens, one wool and fur lined trapper hat from Kangol. I have great hopes for this hat, as it’s my best shot at fitting in with the locals.
11. Scarves. One navy blue scarf from Marks & Spencer’s (acquired through office secret Santa 2 years ago), one brown and purple striped scarf from Prada (stolen from sister). This is my only opportunity to wear scarves with good reason, as I generally consider scarf use superfluous and very gay.
12. Six pairs of underwear. Five pairs of white cotton boxers from Marks & Spencer plus one pair of green cotton boxer briefs with tropical pattern from Bjorn Borg (to spice things up).
13. Black carrier bag from Pringle. This was a very hopeful assumption, before I laid enough clothes to stay in Iceland for 6 months on my bed. Old black hard suitcase with broken wheel will have to be used instead.
I’m back on Saturday but I will most likely post when I’m there. I mean what else is there to do really when you’ve tired of looking at bleeding ice / hearing Scott’s stories?
In the meantime, leave us a comment or sumfink or nuffin. Also, send some pictures in for the BLR 2007 competition. The deadline is at midnight this Saturday, so (as Tim pointed out) can we have some last minute entries please? £10 people. £10. And you get to spend one night on this amazing bed – seen above – with me (after you help me put the clothes away perhaps).
I have 11 songs by Echobelly and I've played them 39 times
I have 17 songs by Editors and I've played them 116 times
I have 1 song by Edony and I've played it 6 times