Wednesday, 24 October 2007

Wednesday 24/10/07

On Tuesday I meet Scott and we go to the gym and do shoulders and abs, and the Eastern European guy is also there and Scott points him out to me as “the new guy who’s sexy” even though we’ve seen him about 10 times now, but Scott has a problem remembering anything and I often have to re-introduce myself to him if we haven’t seen each other for a couple of days.

Then I go home and I try to find some old pictures with stupid hair to post on here as promised, so I go through an old cupboard box that I keep on top of the kitchen cupboards and instantly this is not a good idea because I get depressed. I find pictures from Athens when I was growing up and I also find pictures from the 6 years that I lived up North before moving to London.

Pictures from Andrews’ birthday night out during out second year at Uni, pictures of the beer can wall we built in our house in Sheffield, holiday pictures from summers spent on Greek islands, pictures of my last night out in Manchester before I moved to London which I spent in a horrible / fantastic club listening to Livin’ On A Prayer by Bon Jovi, drinking and crying. I think that’s still back when I had feelings.

And I get depressed because – I’m not sure but – I think I was kinda happier back then. Maybe that’s not necessarily true but I definitely want my innocence again, and I don’t think it’s coming back any time soon.

And the other thing I’m sure of is that if I could go back, I would do everything differently.
In any case, here’s a picture of me when I was 21 and I had the worse haircut this side of 1972. The quality is really bad because I had to take a picture of the actual photo (I have no scanner), but you can easily identify:

- The ghostly white skin
- Arms equal size to my wrists
- The delusion that I should be the fifth member of the Stone Roses

So how a person can turn from thinking that’s an ideal body image / look / life philosophy to this (see below, taken this Wednesday 24/10/07 at 1933) I don’t quite know but it seems to have happened. I've sold out, etc, etc.

Incidentally, I found lots of pictures from the past with various ridiculous haircuts like that, so if you wanna see any more, let me know and I'll see what I can do.

After all this I decide to watch some Greek TV, put the porn channel on, watch a girl with no less than 3 piercings where there should be none, contemplate what would drive somebody to choose a career of having sex for money and being filmed for it, lose faith in people even further, apply bronzing, aloe vera-scented moisturizer, go to bed and start reading a Greek newspaper I bought on Sunday, realize that I’m actually having difficultly following the flow because it’s in Greek, feel ashamed, remember I last received education in Greek when I was 17, justify my handicap to myself, turn off the light.

Then Scott decides to turn up around midnight and stay over, I lie in bed for a bit pushing him away, take a sleeping pill, wait another half hour, go in the kitchen, boil some water, fill my hot water bottle up, go in the living room, pull the sofa bed out, finally fall asleep. The last time I look at the clock it’s 0235

PS. I just opened my post and I found out that somebody ( of you) has sent me an item from my Amazon wishlist - the Reader's Guide to American Psycho. Thanks very much (whoever sent it didn't let me know), this is really sweet. Also at the moment I've finally got round to reading the David Sedaris book I received a few weeks ago, so thanks again for that. This has cheered me up a lot tonight.

I have 1 song by the Divynils s and I've played it 14 times
I have 1 song by DJ Jose and I've played it 2 times
I have 3 songs by DJ Quicksilver and I've played them 10 times


tyler said...

personally, i think you look adorable in the beatle bang haircut though you look much younger than must have gotten carded big time!
going back in time with the thought of re-doing your past: i like this idea.....

Will said...

Hey L-P,

Cheer-up! You seem down. I do agree that we all have days like this. I think its a perception that when we look back things always seem so much better, easier, happier.

Yeah, if only we could go back, but we can't. Look forward and understand things more, if your not happy with things then try something else or new!

But anyway, we all have 'down' days, just take it easy with he pills! Look after yourself.


London Preppy said...

tyler: Yep, at 21 I managed to look like a 14 year old. Girl

London Preppy said...

will: Thanks. I do agree, it was just a down day. Also looking back we seem to remember the good things only. I'm sure I'll look back on writing this blog in a couple of years and consider it the time of my life ha ha

Will said...

Yeah you certainly will!

Hey.. you might be in Oz then!


seahorse said...

I agree with TY there....21 my ass. Definitely look way younger!

Mind you I remember when I was 12 I thought I was a big boy then but as you grow up you go through so many changes and haircuts/styles.

My personal worst was getting hold of a bottle of peroxide and my hair turned yellow and I had to attend a function with long yellow hair and have never lived down the embarrassment since.

Its awful when those down days kick in and when you don't take those sleeping pills regularly your body adjusts with that toxin input not being consistent therefore it takes even longer to fall asleep. You either take them everyday or you don't.
Its awful having thoughts on your mind preventing you from finding peace at night, once you forget one thing you move onto the next. Its such bullshit, but the mind is to powerful at the end of the day.
We know to much and we keep absorbing each day.

I still haven't found my missing earplug lol. Thanks for the mental reminder I need to definitely go to Boots tomorrow for some spares.

Question? Have you had any feed back from AXM ever again or have you given up for now?

London Preppy said...

seahorse: The last I heard was about a month ago when they said the article is going in in the December issue. Wait and see!

seahorse said...

I will be sleeping overnight outside WH SMITH waiting for that release.

The thought crossed my mind today thinking maybe I should camp outside in High Str. Kent for Katie Price's arrival tomorrow. It could be worth a

chabang said...

search your favourite record store / MP3 site / file share system / friend for a copy of "i wish i could go back to collage" from the musical Avenue Q, if you look really hard there is now a recording of it in Greek :-)

London Preppy said...

chabang: I've seen Avenue Q. Aaah....change my major...

But if I were to go back to college,

Think what a loser I'd be-
I'd walk through the quad,
And think "Oh my God..."

"These kids are so much younger than me."

DAMO said...

It's funny, as I seem to know more about you, than I do about myself lol
You so should, put some of your old pics up, it would be really cool to see how you have reinvented yourself and progressed over the years.
Greek islands?
Maybe it was me with my stuck up attitude (problem), but one dreaded island springs to didn't go to Crete did ya? I hate that place!!! Well they hated me! All that I said was that they seemed like an angry bunch (I shouldn't generalise, because it was more likely the other way round) lol
Skiathos is nice though!
My only request, would be for you to tell us about your time in the North, as that is one of the few areas, which you still have not covered and I would love to know about some of the former London Preppy hot spots where you used to visit.

It feels like years since the days of Ratboy nd co - has he died?
One almost misses him hehee


Jon C said...

I think it's funny how our present circumstances affect the way I see the past. Whenever I'm feeling down, I tend to remember "better" times from my past (even if they may not have been that great). But, if I'm feeling good, then I tend to see the negative parts of my past.

Kind of random, and maybe you have already spoken of this, but how deep is your relationship with Scott?

London Preppy said...

damo: Rat Boys stopped comign to my gym months ago. Dunno why. I just can't imagine

jon: How do you mean the relationship question? As in, how long, etc?

Trybaby said...

I'm confused with the last option in the poll "Still in education" What do you mean by that?

Trevor said...

It's fantastic that regardless of how cool we think we are, looking back at photos of now in 10 years time we'll think "oh my god how could I possibly have worn that, or had my hair styled like that!".
For me, I find every year gets better, although there are still times I'd rather have not had. But invariably those bad times have made me work through issues to make me a better person (I hope). I'd only ever go back in time if I could take with me what I know now... That would be fun...

Jon C said...

Yeah - length, level of commitment, etc.

London Preppy said...

trybaby: Well, if you're still in school or college (haven't graduated yet) you'd choose that

jon: In summary, been together for 2 years (in 6 days). In terms of commitment, well, a normal relationships I guess, we se each other almost every day, do things together, don't sleep with other people, that sort of thing :-)

London Preppy said...

I had to re-start the poll to make it clearer - if you had voted before, please vote again

Russell said...

"And the other thing I’m sure of is that if I could go back, I would do everything differently."

Reminds me of something I heard on the radio recently: the question was posed "If you could live your life again (NOT knowing what you know now, but just living the same life again) would you want to?

My instant pre-thinking response was - No - and a feeling of guilt that in these "have a nice day" times I should be so 'negative'. But I've been asking people that question, and surprisingly the answers are about 50/50. People who say No will never tell you why - I think no one wants to say that they've 'failed' to be happy. So, there you go, a lot of people are not exactly effervescent with the joy of life.
No, your innocence won't return, ever, but alzheimers may be a similar experience?

Hair - just see how you feel when it starts falling out!

Sleep - you're not getting enough: stick some madrigals on your pod, they ought to put you to sleep.

SPQR said...

Every saint has a past and every sinner has a future.


PS: are you going to Trade?

London Preppy said...

spqr: No Trade for me, even though on some level I wouldn't mind

Ashton said...

hey, that's what i look like! :P

Mike said...

I thought I included a note with the Brett Easton book but I must have forgotten. I was rushed ordering ten books for myself and preparing for an extended vacation. A vacation you’d truly hate – camping, adventure, wildlife, and nature. Nevertheless, I feel that I pay for my cable TV, movies, DVDs, books, but I don’t pay for reading your blog which I read regularly (when I’m not traveling). The book is just a very small thank you for all the work that you put into your blog and the entertainment it provides. Thanks, ~M