So on Tuesday it’s my two-year anniversary with Scott, even though there’s actually been some dispute over that, because Scott insists that we shouldn’t count the first 3 months when we were having a threesome relationship with some other guy also and I insist that we should, because no matter how you take it I’ve been going out with Scott for two years and it doesn’t really matter how many other people were in the relationship in the beginning.
Anyway, to celebrate this momentous event, today I was going to post the original email/”chapter” that I had sent to my friends back then, describing in full detail the weekend that I met him (them), where, when, why and how.
(Incidentally, for those of you who don’t know, “chapters” are the 50 weekly emails I sent out to my close friends when I first came out and my life was a lot more eventful / destroyed than it is now).
Sadly, even though I thought I had saved all the chapters, I went back to check and realized that I have permanently deleted Chapter 32 – the week that I met those guys – possibly because I didn’t want them to read what I had said about them once we started going out.
So the next best thing that I can do to celebrate “London Preppy And Scott: An 2-Year Affair To Remember” is to share some pictures, documenting this ridiculous / lovely relationship.
November 2005. Beyond @ Coliseum
A classy picture taken inside a toilet cubicle at Beyond.
Still early days, when the relationship included 3 people, one of which is taking the picture, one is examining the floor and one is having a well-deserved rest against the toilet door – it’s been a long night you know (please note time: 0508am).
I don’t remember who passed out later that morning, but chances are all three.
March 2006. London Preppy’s bedroom, SW1
Taken soon after 3 became 2 / I came out of hospital. If I hadn’t blocked my eyes, you would be able to see the overwhelming sadness that overruns my whole life. I don’t know why, of course I can’t remember what was going through my mind at that particular moment, but no other picture has captured this better. Also, no other picture has captured better the straightness of my nose, a personal achievement I’m very proud of and you would be too if you were Greek (it’s a bit like being born a blonde African American).
May 2006. Photoshoot with Gaz
Tanned, buffed, scarily-white-toothed, Abercrombie-clad, this is the epitome of the ridiculous shallow gay in the beginning of the 21st century. Looking at this picture I’m tempted to go on a rant about the people in it being dumb, having a combined IQ of 85, presenting an unrealistic body image and being fake, even though one of them is me. I’m also tempted to put a sticker on it screaming “You are normal. THIS IS NOT”, like that activist lesbian recently did to posters around London.
I actually had this picture printed on a huge canvas in a moment of madness and I don’t know what to do with it anymore. I might try to sell it on here soon.
June 2006. DTPM @ Fabric
Another picture taken inside club toilets (a natural habitat for us, evidently).
The pose says: we pretend to be in love and will rub it in your face / we are a ridiculous mid-thirties straight couple comprising a balding accountant with hairy shoulders and an overweight Heat reader who just bought their first flat in West Ealing / we are penguins.
The outfits say: I can’t go on a quiet night out without wanting to attract all available attention to myself.
The abdominal muscles say: Yes, we ate popcorn earlier this evening, but made a quick trip to the toilet clutching a toothbrush shortly after (fact).
July 2007. Brighton Pride, Brighton
In the battle of who can wear the stupidest sunglasses, it’s a tie. The ice-cream van as a main feature in the background ruins the “I wanna be adored” / untouchable look we are working so hard to portray. But then again, this picture sums up the relationship more than any other. The sublime and the ridiculous co-existing hand in hand in beautiful harmony.
I have 1 song by Don McLean and I've played it 20 times
I have 1 song by Donna Lewis and I've played it 57 times
I have 9 songs by Donna Summer and I've played them 68 times