Tuesday, 2 October 2007

Tuesday 02/10/07

On Monday Pam aka Fuzzy Logic has a surprise for me in the office and this surprise is the Dieux Du Stade calendar 2007, which of course is a gay fantasy cliché and features French rugby players (some hot, some less so) in various homoerotic positions trying to lure the gays to spend money on it so that the French Rugby Association can buy padded helmets or wrist supports or new cartilage for their broken noses or whatever it is that rugby players need.

And Pam found this calendar in some guy’s that she’s sleeping with bathroom and confiscated it to bring to me.

At lunchtime I have to queue to get some cash out because I want to buy a Greek newspaper and the small newsagent that sells them doesn’t take cards and in front of me in the queue is some guy (30s, below average looking, not smartly dressed, likeable though) and in front of him using the machine is some girl (late teens, Muslim/Arabic, headscarf, hideous face, likeable in a pitiful way on first sight). And the girl is blatantly retarded and is taking bloody ages and keeps putting her card in and out and both the guy and me are getting restless and the guy sort of sighs out and starts pacing (with good reason) and then it all kicks off.

The girl turns around and gives him a really nasty look, a look that only somebody poor and ruthless can muster. She then starts shouting “you got a problem” in a heavy accent (let’s guess Bangladeshi) and the guy says “yes, we’re waiting here” in a different heavy accent (let’s guess Latvian). Then she goes off on one about how he should fucking wait and she’ll be done when she’s fucking done and he should fuck off. I estimate that the world fuck makes up about 65% of what come out of her mouth. The guy wisely chooses to keep quiet during all this. Then she accuses him of trying to look at her PIN number, which is obviously hilarious because seriously, do we really want to steal the £5 she’s got in her account?

By that point that girl has seriously disturbed me and I’m starting to have really sinister thoughts about her and everyone else similar to her: poor, uneducated, with a grudge against the world and a loud mouth. As I start picturing her without a head, I feel guilty and try to create some normality around her, so as to think of her as a human being again instead of this cash machine thunder bitch. Images of her playing with her little brother, listening to the new Backstreet Boys single with her best friend, worrying about an exam she’s unprepared for, her father and older brothers taking turns to rape her while…no obviously I’m still mad and this is not working.

I then walk to the shop, buy my newspaper and a 330ml bottle of prebiotic strawberry and vanilla natural flavour spring water and go back to work.

Then I go to the gym (legs, abs) and then I go back home and watch two more episodes of Desperate Housewives, which distress me because everyone is behaving like a complete bastard and there is high tension and mothers abandon their on a road in the middle of nowhere and bosses blackmail their employees and everyone sets each other up to destroy their lives. And I can’t help that this affects me even though I try to remember that this is just a script and none of these things are happening in real life. But this is definitely not what I want from some light evening entertainment.

Then I go online and download 10-15 Bruce Springsteen songs and listen to them and read the lyrics and wonder if I would be happier if I were living in a small American town in 1987 and I spent long afternoons driving a pick-up truck listening to Guns ‘n’ Roses or Poison or Van Halen with my girlfriend who would be combing her hair in the rear view mirror, but I probably wouldn’t, I would be as troubled then; maybe less aware, but still troubled. Then I go to bed.

I have 19 songs by the Cure and I’ve played them 97 times
I have 1 song by Curtis Mayfield and I’ve played it 2 times
I have 1 song by Cutting Crew and I’ve played it 23 times

12 comments:

Knight said...

Interesting fact, why would the guy Pam is sleeping with own the calender.. and more so, hang it in the bathroom? Hmm.. not good not good, Pam certainly did the right thing in confiscating it and giving it to the right person..

On the other hand, the thought of the straight dude fixating over the calender is HOT!!!

London Preppy said...

knight: "It was there when they moved in"...he claimed

Trybaby said...

I think it's called "Dieux du stade" Yes and I too find it weird that he would have it. Maybe bi or maybe a joke from some mates.

Wow majorly awkward, she should have just kept trucking and internalized her feelings or the guy should have just said it was nothing and let her go on. Not that I'm not a fan of confronting people but just that in these situations it would just exacerbate the problem.

What is prebiotic anyways? I've heard of probiotic.

Trybaby said...

What year was it?

London Preppy said...

trybaby: You're right, I have corrected it. It was 2007 (so just a couple of months left)

Trybaby said...

2007 SURE IT WAS!!!! TEE HEE.

Tim in Italy said...

Personally, I've been putting together a list of all the people who will have to be killed when I take over. Individuals who think it's okay to try and refinance their house on the ATM during the lunch rush are certainly represented, along with people who have cell phone conversations during a film. There are others, of course, but I don't want to give too much away lest we have to dig them out of hiding...

Don't worry, LP. I'm making you a general.

Ashley said...

Dear London Preppy,

I have had a horrible day, but your blog always makes me smile. Thank you for sharing such an amusing outlook on life.

Keep on rockin'

From Ash

fuzzy logic said...

Haha I love the analysis! I'm pretty good at internalising my feelings, but at the same time, any excuse to take the piss out of a hetero guy cannot be passed up!

At least now LP has 3 months of rugby nakedness to enjoy...

BY23 said...

I keep having a problem with Muslims - we have to give up our christmas celebrations, decorations and everything because we have to be sensitive...and tolerant...and pc. While they keep asking for halal food (which I'd never eat) in schools and generally more segregation between men and women. Just look at what they are doing to gays an Iran, Saudi Arabia, and so on...
Soory for being so OT, but the word Muslim really gets me going. And the fact they are having five, six oder seven children will complicate the situation in the future even more.

checazzoguardi said...

Please please do start to take drugs again...what's all this nonsense of not going out clubbing anymore...I am sure that if you went to Rome and DTPM last Sunday you would be in a much better mood and you would have much more interesting stories to write about...please don't let me down.
PS...and more pics please (naked ones), of you, your mates or just random people ideally stolen pics from the showers at FF

London Preppy said...

checazzo: Maybe in a few months! Until then can I interest you in some old shirtless pictures of me and my friends? That's all I have. I'll post soon