Monday, 29 October 2007

Monday 29/10/07


So over the weekend I only leave home for a maximum of 3 hours (the other 45 spent in front of the TV or lying in bed) and the 3 hours outside the house occur on Sunday afternoon when I go to the gym and then meet Anthony for coffee.

The gym: Scott and I decide to try this branch of our gym where we haven’t been before and it’s the only one that has a swimming pool in central London, but I never go there because it’s out of my way. And I don’t intend to work out, I just want to have a quick swim (no more than 6 lengths so that I don’t start losing weight) and then hang out in the Jacuzzi / steam room / sauna. Scott intends to work out and go on the sunbed.

And we go there and find out that the Jacuzzi / steam room / sauna are all out of order so I just do my 6 lengths, Scott goes on the sunbed, we shower, steal two gym towels and some guy’s underwear that we find in the changing rooms and leave.

The coffee: As you well know Anthony is back in the UK for a short holiday so Scott and I meet him at Apostrophe for a chat and some hot chocolate. And during the chat we talk about my new TV and agree that having a big TV is nice but it’s also very working class and people who have huge TVs like mine usually live in council estates and are on benefits and have saved for years to get one, and they need it so they can stick it in the living room and all 10 of their children can watch at the same time.

Still, this conversation fails to make me fall out of love with my TV and if this makes me proletarian, so be it.

After that I have to ask Anthony some questions of course, to assess whether he can be an ideal next boyfriend when I’m available again. And my main concern naturally is whether he loves me because of the way I look, or because of who I am (or he thinks I am anyway). OK, fair enough, he doesn’t actually love me yet, but I need to evaluate his motives and his potential. So I ask him: “Will you still love me if I lose all my muscles and definition?”

This is actually a very valid question and something that worries me a lot. I’m not saying that Scott only cares for my muscles of course and has stayed with me for 2 years just for that, but the things he only very compliments me about are: my boobs, my knob, my arms, my bum, my abs (in that order).

I don’t even want compliments on other intangible talents that I have to be honest (he can’t appreciate my writing because he’s dyslexic and doesn’t read much and he doesn’t care that I know all the lyrics word by word to The Smiths’ back catalogue or that I can recite the positions where all the Menswear singles charted between 1994 and 1997, because he doesn’t care much about music), but even on a superficial level, I feel a lot more comfortable when somebody tells me that I have nice eyes or a well-constructed face or the right shape ears or something, than anything related to what I have achieved by going to the gym.

And this is because I genuinely don’t consider my abs or my biceps or my pecs as part of me really and permanently, but more as something that is very temporary, a result of constant effort and restraint and nothing to base a real attraction to me on.

Also all these muscles will disappear when I get the next bout of Guillain Barre Syndrome (if I do) and I feel very insecure when people like me because of them. In other words my face will still be there if I don’t go to the gym for 2 months, but my six-pack won’t.

Anyway, if anyone is still with me, we’re at the point where I ask Anthony if he’ll still love me without the gym body and he gives a positive but non-committal answer (at least that’s how I interpret it), which makes me think that maybe if I plan to stop going to the gym or be sick again, I should also lower my standards in terms of boyfriends.

I have 9 songs by Dolly Parton and I've played them 86 times
I have 1 song by Dolores O'Riordan and I've played it 16 times
I have 1 song by Don Henley and I've played it 132 times


DAMO said...

Well, I must say that todays effort seems to contain a little melancholy.

Well, good luck wi Anthony...still we need to certify whether your Josh is a gay bunny or not! hehe

Well, so what about knowing all of the Smith's lyrics, I think that your greater acheivement is the fact that you know all the lyrics to Livin Joy's Dreamer!! Now that is commendable!!!


London Preppy said...

damo: Of course Livin Joy is a bigger achievement, because we all know that song goes really fast and it's extra difficult to learn ha ha. Not to mention that she doesn't finish off most of the words in the chorus

Jon C said...

First off, let the record show that I think you have a great smile.

Second, I'm jealous of anyone who has a big TV as I have been wanting to buy one for quite some time.

Third, did you really steal someone's underwear? :)

London Preppy said...

jon: Thank you :-)

As for the TV, it was an impulse purchase for me (like everything else really) and it worked out fine

Thirdly: I wanna say no now but that would be lying

Steven said...

He loves you for the hard, outer shell, and not for the creamy stuff that's inside?

At least he's being honest.

Christopher said...

They have these in my office and they scare me:

Notice the lack of price. The 65 inch models cost around £7k.

I've done temping work involving these silly things in the past. The majority of people who buy them are gullible elderly people who are afraid of the digital switch-over, plus they flog them with free warranty's knowing the customers will die before their TV's need a free service.

London Preppy said...

steven: I like the Cadbury Creme Egg analogy. Well, that's a British sweet but trust me on this.

Also, I don't want honest, I want lies and deceipt :-)

christopher: Oh my God that could blind anyone. Or send those pensioners to a (not so early) grave

adam1087 said...

for the sake of my own piece of mind, i have to tell you that there are good-looking men out there who aren't so superficial that they base everything on looks.

of course, i have no experience on which to base this. i 'm only trying to convince myself of the possibility that they exist.

by the way, you are attractive not because of your muscles (though they sure help), but because of your frank views on life and the witty dialogue i keep coming back to read

London Preppy said...

adam: Thank you. I will quote you to Scott next time he says anything about my biceps or something. "Don't treat me like a piece of meat", etc, etc :-)

seahorse said...

meat is meat and a man must eat dammit.
thats final. so go and baste yourself up. lol

Knight said...

That's true LP. As much as we want to believe gay men are not superficial and go for more than physical looks..

I have to say its a rare case these days.. there might be a few but not many! Where have all the real men gone? Superficial is fun BUT its tiring in the long term!

Bobby Vanquish said...

I hope the Don Henley song you've played so many times is "The End of the Innocence".

London Preppy said...

bobby: Sadly it's the obvious one - The boys...

Bobby Vanquish said...

Right - take the £10 you would have had to have paid me once I won your competition - and go to HMV tomorrow and buy The End of the Innocence.
It's all about being young and innocent and less destroyed.
Go and sort it out and tell me what you think.

Tim in Italy said...

This is the best post you've ever written. You must of had some misgivings about letting us take a short peek at the man behind the curtain. Thanks for taking that chance. It is ever appreciated.

tyler said...

which makes me think that maybe if I plan to stop going to the gym or be sick again, I should also lower my standards in terms of boyfriends.

Stephen said...

Out of interest, does Scott read this blog?

London Preppy said...

bobby: I've just acquired the End of Innocence. I'll let you know thoughts

tim: Really? Well thank you

stephen: No, but I don't write anything that he doesn't know already or that I don't moan about to him 24/7 anyway

karma commodified said...

It is the official belief of mainstream gays that relationships with other men is largely based on superficiality of the physical form. I think if i started falling in love with every other random person based on personality or other attributes like money or even intellect then i would be a repressed lesbian

( because girls get victimized for their infatuation of the deeper mechanisms of a person right?)

Of course i do sometimes consensually hallucinate that a guy could have both or all but no one's perfect and usually someone who needs to be my bf has to be better. I am not in the habit of being a caregiver or benefactor of another's inefficiencies.

Are you a repressed lesbian too LP?

A said...

In the unboxed pictures I've seen of you on other sites, you have the most penetrating eyes. They are full of cold fire and they are arresting.

Didn't have time to read the other comments, so I hope that this has not already been said.

I love that you're a realist about your body and its capacity to persist and fade. It adds another dimension to your complexity.

If Anthony and Scott can't manage to hold it together with you, I'm sure there will be hot guys enough lined up around the block who'll want to stare deeply into you and love you for everything you are (not), everything you were (not), and everything you will (not) be.