On Sunday night I go to bed around 2355 and as always I must turn my light off before midnight because otherwise I will get really unsettled, and because of that I don’t really have time for my bedtime reading (another activity that MUST happen), so I decide to just read the short review extracts on the back cover of American Psycho. You know, those bits that praise the book lifted from newspapers and magazines that you didn’t know existed like the New Statesman and the Scotsman? I’m thinking this should only take a couple of minutes.
So I read those, and one of them (Maria Lexton from Time Out) says:
”…American Psycho examines the mindless preoccupations of the nineties preppy generation…”
Well let’s not concern ourselves with the fact that this is partly wrong because the book was written and is set in the 80s, but focusing on this part: “…preppy…” makes me think. I had never considered Bret Easton Ellis’ writing as preppy-related. In fact I started reading and liking his books long before I had an idea of what preppy even was.
And reading this pisses me off a bit, because I’m thinking, am I really that predictable and do all my interests have to be linked to each other as part of the same general theme? So in order to prove how unpredictable and impulsive I can be, I decide to break my pattern and the best thing I can come up with on Sunday night at 2358 is that I should sleep without socks (t-shirt still tucked in underpants though – I’m not gonna go completely off the rails).
And sadly this doesn’t seem to work for me and I spend the following two hours unable to sleep, thinking how much I need to be wearing socks right now and with my mood varying from slight annoyance to worrying hallucinations that I’ve found myself naked in a wet, cold cave somewhere and the only thing that can save me is the pair of socks I’ve placed on the floor next to me bed, in case of an emergency like this. So around 0200 I put on my socks and go to sleep.
On Monday I spend quite some time thinking about something a friend of mine recently did, and this something is a mixed threesome. Of course I can’t say who the friend was, but I can say that the experience involved two guys and a girl, and allegedly plenty of fun. This is something that has intrigued me for quite some time now, so once again I will have to ask your contribution. I think I would like to try that. Is there anyone who would like to put an offer on the table? As always I have some specifications, which are:
- I’m afraid you’ll both have to be very fit. This is very important – I don’t want to average straight couple of beer-drinking / pub-frequenting / crap-chest-haired guy with thin arms and whatever the female equivalent is (I don’t have much experience in that gender)
- You know those couples where the guy goes to the gym a lot and likes clothes and takes care of himself and all his mates take the piss and call him a ponce and the girl has straightened blonde hair and a fake tan and is marginally anorexic (or bulimic – I don’t mind) and talk about handbags with her girlfriends? This is who I want
- Ideally you’ll already be a couple, not two random people that came together for this threesome, because I think that’s sexier
- We can discuss the rules of how this will work at a later stage, I do have some specific ideas but I’m also open to suggestions
Finally, I understand that this blog might not have huge readership amongst straight couples (let alone straight couples of my specifications), so please, if you’re a gay and reading this and thinking – oh that sounds like something my friends Matthew and Kate might be interested in (random names used), do let them know.
I guess the initial stage will be to email me and send pictures (body shots will do to start with), so get to it.
I actually expect zero response to this, but it will be nice to be proven wrong.
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