On Tuesday night I’m waiting for my delivery from Tesco and the time slot that I’ve been given is 2000 to 2200. So it’s now 2215 and it’s not there yet so I call Tesco and Tesco have no idea where the delivery guy is and they can’t get hold of him, so they give me a refund for my delivery charge, which is alright I suppose.
Then at 2240 the delivery guy arrives and apologises and then lets me know that there are a couple of substitutions. And the most hilarious one is when they try to give me a ready meal of chicken with dumplings instead of plain chicken breasts. Dumplings! And in an ideal world where I have no shame and I’m even more cynical and apathetic and a bastard (not unlike Patrick Bateman), I laugh and lift my shirt up and point at my abs and ask him when he thinks the last time I had fried complex carbohydrates is. But in real life I just say that no, I wouldn’t like the ready meal of chicken with dumplings replacement so I get a refund.
Then I put the shopping away listening to Mono by Courntey Love and Innocence by Bjork and Big on Japan by Alphaville and then I go to bed.
On Wednesday morning I wear some navy pinstripe trousers from the Gap and black leather Hugo Boss shoes and black H&M socks and a Hugo Boss belt and a white shirt with very thin brown stripes from Marks & Spencer with silver Gucci cufflinks and a Gucci watch and a maroon cardigan from Fred Perry and I go to work.
Work is very busy but I dare log on to gmail for 2 minutes at lunchtime in order to email AXM and ask them if they’ve received my article that I sent 9 days ago now, but by the time I’m writing this they still haven’t replied.
And here’s a list of things that I do every day invariably, and if I failed to do them it would really piss me off and it would really mess with my head:
- I do not get on the tube unless I get hold of Metro (the free newspaper), because I would not be able to handle the 10 minute tube journey to work without reading something. Because by the time I get to the tube station the newspapers have run out, getting hold of one involves a) looking through the bins around the station and/or b) getting on the train that goes the opposite direction first to look there, because it’s less busy and there are usually some papers left behind
- When I get in the office I turn on my PC and sit at my desk keeping an eye on the kitchen area. I only go to the kitchen and fill my 1.5lt bottle of water once everyone that’s making coffee / getting breakfast has left, because I don’t want to go near people and have to say good morning / make small chat
- During work, I eat / have snacks at the following times, with no fail: 1100, 1315, 1500, 1720. If I have meetings / other extremely urgent work to do at those times I move the meals just before I go in the meeting. If I fail to do that I will get hungry and I will not be very pleasant or productive in that meeting
- When I get home after the gym, there is a 10-minute period where nobody must talk to me. Well, that’s easier now that I live on my own, but even if Scott is there or we go home together or something, he knows to leave me alone. That’s because in those 10 minutes I prepare my gym bag for the next day, prepare my food for the next day and choose my clothes for the next day. If I don’t do these things I can’t chat or relax or watch TV or anything
- My light has to be off before 0000 every night if it’s a school night. And I have to have read for to least 5 minutes before the light goes off, because that gives me a sense of relaxing (even if it’s very rushed reading) and like everything is going according to plan and I have no stress. Of course nothing ever goes according to plan and I never have no stress, but this is an illusion I like to create for myself
- In bed I have to wear socks and a t-shirt and underpants and the t-shirt has to be tucked in the underpants, otherwise I can’t sleep and I don’t care how this looks or that I’m the guy who tucks his t-shirt in his underwear at night
I have 1 song by Corey Hart and I’ve played it 7 times
I have 2 songs by Corinne Bailey Ray and I’ve played them 4 times
I have 1 song by Cornelius and I’ve played it 5 times
Number of days since I sent my new article to AXM but haven’t heard back yet: 9