So the new middle name decision has been made and I’ve sent off the Deep Poll application. Thanks to everyone who voted, and I’m sorry to say that I didn’t go for the winning name (Mercer) but I did go for one that was in the top three. Now there’s a new poll up, asking what you like most about this blog – why you keep coming back. Well, if you keep coming back that is, because this might be your first time here and you never intend to return. Oh well.
On a not very relevant note, sorry I haven’t been extremely responsive recently if you’ve emailed or messaged me but I’m having some internet connectivity issues. At home because Tiscali is crap and I can’t wait to switch providers when my contract expires and at work because it turns out that I actually am one of the best performing employees, but sadly it’s only on internet usage. So I’m keeping a low profile at the moment.
Anyway, as you all know, on Monday Mean is back from his holiday in Canada and New York so he emails me an update of what he got up to. And what he got up to includes spilling a bottle of Coke on his bed and the people putting him up thinking he had pissed himself, getting more drunk than he has been for a very long time, some beautiful scenery or something (I’ve started to drift off by that point), going to a baseball game (just about here I’ve fallen asleep), going to the world’s biggest gym (becoming interested again) and seeing the best six-pack ever (wide awake again now).
Obviously my response to that is: “TELL ME MORE ABOUT THE SIX PACK YOU FOOL! Who was it on, what did they look like etc”
Mean says: “Put it this way. He was wearing a vest (not that tight) and you could clearly see it. He then pulled his vest up and I swear if I ran my hand over it I would cut myself”
I says: “How old was he? How tall? Was he white? Rest of the body?”
Mean says: “I'd say 30. 5'10". Sunbed tan. Rest of the body cut but he wasn't huge. Just well built and very defined. Was a revelation.”
So of course this ruins my day and I can’t focus on anything else anymore apart from an overwhelming desire to be that guy. Then it occurs to me that as recently as Sunday I wanted to be somebody else – more specifically this New Zealand rugby player called Nick Evans that I came across on the internet (during the 10 minutes that my connection wasn’t playing up at home).
So now obviously as any sane person would do, I will proceed to decide which of the two guys I want to be more and assess my chances of achieving that.
- He has abs that you can cut your hand on (I have abs after I work out and if I don’t eat anything for 3 days)
- He has a fake tan (I haven’t been on a sunbed for months but I could easily go I suppose)
- He lives in New York (I’ve been there once 9 years ago)
- He was in the gym at 1400 on a Tuesday afternoon so he must be unemployed (I could easily achieve that by casually checking my gmail during work hours)
- He was born on 14th August 1980, which makes him younger than me and this depresses me more (I was born earlier in 1980)
- He plays for the New Zealand All Blacks and he can currently be seen in the World Cup (I have never represented any teams in organized sport let alone a national team)
- He lives in New Zealand (I was in New Zealand for 2 days last year)
- He has a different kind of six-pack and general muscleness, which you can only achieve by playing sport and being really straight and active (I’m a gym queen and hate the outdoors)
So taking all this into consideration I suppose it’s easier for me to try and be the Six-pack guy, mainly because Nick Evans is talented and successful and sporty and I’m just not.
In any case, we can still obsess over Nick, so here are some pictures of him doing what he does best:
Catching a ball.
Being shirtless and jolly.
Being shirtless and pulling a face.
Strangling some guy.
Finally here’s a challenge for the readers. The six-pack guy was in Chelsea Piers gym in New York from around 1330 to 1430 last Tuesday (18th September). He was wearing a red vest. Does anyone go to this gym (or is aware of it)? Do you know who this guy might be? Come on people, according to Google Analytics New York is the second biggest city (after London) for reading this blog. Any information you can volunteer about the guy or the gym would be welcome.
I have 1 song by Collapsed Lung and I’ve played it 4 times
I have 1 song by Color Me Badd and I’ve played it 0 times
I have 1 song by the Coral and I’ve played it 14 times
Number of days since I submitted my new article to AXM and haven’t heard back: 8