Monday, 17 September 2007

Monday 17/09/07

to meet in Soho Square at 1330, but obviously as it is Sunday and I’m already counting down the hours until Monday morning I don’t want to go anywhere. In any case, I decide to stop being completely anti-sociable and go hang out for a bit.

So Scott, Donnell, Brendan, Spunky, Simon and a few others sit on towels and drink and take horse tranquilizer and discuss several topics which, I’m not sure but I think, include music, love and cars and drugs and ponies, but then again these maybe lyrics from a song instead and my memory is playing tricks on me. What I do remember is that I don’t really participate in all this – instead I want to be at home writing.

Then I do go home and I actually manage to finish another article I’ve been working on for AXM on a different topic (Fantasy vs Reality), which will supposedly be used in the December issue, but we’ll believe that when we see it, right? In any case I email it to the editor well ahead of the 1st October deadline that I’ve been given. I will let you know when it’s the 2nd of December and I haven’t heard back anything and I completely give up on my writing career.

Then I stay online and decide to do my weekly shopping on the Tesco website instead of going to the shop and carrying all these bags back. In theory this should be very convenient for me, as I always buy the same things in the same quantities week in, week out with no fail, so I don’t really need the real life selection process.

However, I’ve been warned that Tesco like to create additional interest in your life by randomly replacing items on your shopping list which are unavailable, with what they think is the closest match. So for example they will send you double-cream instead of soya milk (both in a carton) or cans of Coka Cola instead of tomatoes (both red).

All I know is that if they dare make any jokes and replace my two tubs of Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ben & Jerry ice cream with a “similar” different flavour (Vanilla? Caramel Chew Chew?) I will take the three smoked mackerels I’ve ordered and smear them on the delivery guy’s head. I will let you know after tonight’s “2000 to 2200 timeslot” delivery.

On Sunday night I also reconsider an alternative income source option I had come up with months ago. Using my webcam, my hands and a complete lack of clothes to make some extra cash. This time though I go one step further and research websites where you can set this up, potential earnings and what I actually have to do to get involved in this growing and in no-way-sleazy community.

I find the most promising website (one that doesn’t look like it’s operated from the back of a Skoda parked in the main square in Kiev) and having lost any self-respect I ever had, I fill in the online application and get this automated response back:

“Thank you for completing the online application to broadcast on ourlive chat network. Your application has been sent to our Broadcasting Department and will be reviewed in the order it was received.

Your application # is: [edit]

Please send an email to: [edit]
with a subject of "STUDIO APPLICATION # [edit]" and
include at least one clear headshot and one soft-core photo of yourself
or your performer(s).

Please make sure you have access to a scanner, a printer, broadband internet
connection, a PC or laptop, a PC mic and a USB webcam or a camcorder.
If you have any questions about your application, please don't hesitate to
contact myself or anyone on the Broadcasting Department Team at any time.

Sincerely,
[edit]
Broadcaster Manager”

I immediately email back and forward at least one clear headshot and one soft-core photo of myself (or 5) and wait to hear back.

I have 7 songs by Chicks On Speed and I've played them 56 times
I have 3 songs by Chocolate Puma and I've played them 2 times
I have 1 song by Chris Brown and I've played it 2 times

10 comments:

reality said...

hmm...so how much do you get paid for this? I once thought about it, then i realised any future political career would be fucked. Shame, I think i would have made a sport out of it, y'know - guiness books here i cum.

London Preppy said...

reality: It's about £1/minute apparently. I guess worth trying if I'm not after a career in politics!

daze said...

ah right, so how long does it go on for? do they have a minimum time? or even better: a maximum!? bloggers being a bit funny with comments, it put 'reality' and not 'daze' perhaps the world is telling me something.

London Preppy said...

daze: My understanding is that you log on and do it as often and as much or little as you want

tyler said...

lp:
i look forward to watching you brush your teeth.
on the nights that i can't sleep (which are numerous) we can play cards or chess.
peace,
tyler

Superdrewby said...

Hmmmm and what about affiliate income?

I am sure I could advertise your performances on my site and make .00000000000001p a minute, so long as it's totally above board and not naughty at all

London Preppy said...

tyler: Sounds good to me!

superdrewby: Of course. There will be no naughtiness involved

DAMO said...

So lp has gone all interactive eh? lol

I hope this editor dude understands his immiment peril if he does another October issue on you with the article...(incidently) will you be posting the October (unused) article soon?

Be nice and interesting to read what you wrote anywayz :-)

Good luck with getting them AXMians to get back to you this time. lol

And also after all this ruddy exposure, one would think that at least a few of the rival magazines would have approached you...wouldn't you?

Are ya still defiately thinking about going to uni again, as a strong option?

A lot of questions I know lol

Anyway

with regards to Tesco pulling little stunts with changing items, I have found that they replace branded items with thier own Tesco brand if they have non in stock...So feel free (especially if the delivery guy is fit- which isn't very likely as they probably wouldn't be working as delivery people, would they?) to take your time and inspect any unwanted items and slap the delivery guy with the mackerel and pour the "Tesco Value Tuna" down his pants.

beep!

Knight said...

Hmm.. I can see your college days coming true =))

London Preppy said...

damo: Yes, Uni is definitely an option. I would go back next September so I have a lot of time to research it and think about it.

I don't think I'll publish the first AXM article on here, because I might still use it (trying to pitch it to other magazines)

knight: Yes, a little less soul a little more education!