to meet in Soho Square at 1330, but obviously as it is Sunday and I’m already counting down the hours until Monday morning I don’t want to go anywhere. In any case, I decide to stop being completely anti-sociable and go hang out for a bit.
So Scott, Donnell, Brendan, Spunky, Simon and a few others sit on towels and drink and take horse tranquilizer and discuss several topics which, I’m not sure but I think, include music, love and cars and drugs and ponies, but then again these maybe lyrics from a song instead and my memory is playing tricks on me. What I do remember is that I don’t really participate in all this – instead I want to be at home writing.
Then I do go home and I actually manage to finish another article I’ve been working on for AXM on a different topic (Fantasy vs Reality), which will supposedly be used in the December issue, but we’ll believe that when we see it, right? In any case I email it to the editor well ahead of the 1st October deadline that I’ve been given. I will let you know when it’s the 2nd of December and I haven’t heard back anything and I completely give up on my writing career.
Then I stay online and decide to do my weekly shopping on the Tesco website instead of going to the shop and carrying all these bags back. In theory this should be very convenient for me, as I always buy the same things in the same quantities week in, week out with no fail, so I don’t really need the real life selection process.
However, I’ve been warned that Tesco like to create additional interest in your life by randomly replacing items on your shopping list which are unavailable, with what they think is the closest match. So for example they will send you double-cream instead of soya milk (both in a carton) or cans of Coka Cola instead of tomatoes (both red).
All I know is that if they dare make any jokes and replace my two tubs of Chocolate Fudge Brownie Ben & Jerry ice cream with a “similar” different flavour (Vanilla? Caramel Chew Chew?) I will take the three smoked mackerels I’ve ordered and smear them on the delivery guy’s head. I will let you know after tonight’s “2000 to 2200 timeslot” delivery.
On Sunday night I also reconsider an alternative income source option I had come up with months ago. Using my webcam, my hands and a complete lack of clothes to make some extra cash. This time though I go one step further and research websites where you can set this up, potential earnings and what I actually have to do to get involved in this growing and in no-way-sleazy community.
I find the most promising website (one that doesn’t look like it’s operated from the back of a Skoda parked in the main square in Kiev) and having lost any self-respect I ever had, I fill in the online application and get this automated response back:
“Thank you for completing the online application to broadcast on ourlive chat network. Your application has been sent to our Broadcasting Department and will be reviewed in the order it was received.
Your application # is: 
Please send an email to: 
with a subject of "STUDIO APPLICATION # " and
include at least one clear headshot and one soft-core photo of yourself
or your performer(s).
Please make sure you have access to a scanner, a printer, broadband internet
connection, a PC or laptop, a PC mic and a USB webcam or a camcorder.
If you have any questions about your application, please don't hesitate to
contact myself or anyone on the Broadcasting Department Team at any time.
I immediately email back and forward at least one clear headshot and one soft-core photo of myself (or 5) and wait to hear back.
I have 7 songs by Chicks On Speed and I've played them 56 times
I have 3 songs by Chocolate Puma and I've played them 2 times
I have 1 song by Chris Brown and I've played it 2 times