On Wednesday I decide that I’m going to jog back home from work because a) there is the tube strike I’ve talked about, b) the weather is very good for that kind of thing at the moment and c) it goes very well with my new image this week, which is normal / masculine / active.
So obviously when I get up on Wednesday I find out that the tube strike has ended, but I decide to still go ahead with my plan. And the most important thing about any plan is the way you look while you’re going through with it, so at lunchtime I go and buy an arm strap for my iPod and new running trainers.
I also go to Marks & Spencer’s and I buy some very plain, clueless straight boy-type white boxer shorts, because as I’ve mentioned before I’m tired of wearing super gay appalling Aussiebums and I want to be more like Marky Mark / less like a podium dancer high on G on a Sunday morning at 0600 in a filthy club in Vauxhall. And obviously white M&S pants will do all that.
So after work I go to the gym (I’m not going to skip the gym just because I’m also going running), where I do back and abs and I complain about the Shower Pervert again, who’s back to his old tricks. You may not know who the Shower Pervert is (read back stories here and here if you like), but in summary, he’s a disgusting short baldie guy who spies on people in the showers. And wanks. Behind their backs. Well after I complained all these months ago he’s still there. Hasn’t he found any other means of sexual gratification yet? It’s so pathetic.
Like Scott says, the only way he will stop is if he accidentally pervs on some confident, brazen guy who will step out of the shower, ask him what he thinks he’s doing and punch him in the face. Sadly, even though I would really love to be, I am not that kind of guy. If I were 6’1” though and built quite big, I would be punching people left right and centre.
After the gym I go and meet Matty because it’s his birthday and I give him his birthday present, which is 3 pairs of M&S clueless straight-boy boxer shorts that I bought at the same time as mine. But for Matty this isn’t an aspirational look – he actually is clueless straight boy and he seems happy enough to receive his pants, not too dissimilar to a trained monkey receiving a banana. Easily pleased.
Then it’s time for the run. I’m still not going to tell you exactly where I live or work (because 3 people have already expressed an interest to hit me with a sledgehammer or chop my hands off in the poll on the right), but here’s a short description so you can fully understand this story. I work near the Eastern end of a quite long and VERY busy commercial street in central London. At the Western end of this street is located a quite big and very well known central London park. I live near the other end of the park. So basically to get home I need to go through the commercial street and then walk along the park.
So I decide to take the tube halfway, bypass the street and just run the rest of the distance, along the park. Wikipedia tells me that this distance is about 2km (1.24 miles), which is fair enough for a first run. So I get there, strap my iPod on my arm, start playing Hard-Fi’s Living for the Weekend and run. Run like the wind. Then about 3 songs later I’m at home and it actually feels great. I’ll be doing that a lot.
Finally, on Wednesday I also decide to give AXM a call and ask if anything is happening with my article. After being assured that they were just about to get back to me, I am told that “they didn’t have space in the October issue in the end”. Instead, would I like to submit an article for the December issue (November is also full) on a different topic. Admittedly this is quite disappointing because I did put a lot of work in my original article and I thought it was quite good and I showed it to a couple of friends and they also liked it and now all this effort will go to waste because nobody will ever see or use this. And if I do sit down and write another 500 words on the new topic, is there really any guarantee that it will be published or seen by anyone or that I will get paid for it? Who knows.
I have 1 song by Camille Jones and I’ve played it 2 times
I have 4 songs by Candi Staton and I’ve played them 221 times*
I have 2 songs by Candie Payne and I’ve played them19 times
*One of them is actually my most played song on my iPod. “You got the love” by Candi Staton ft The Source – 203 times