I try not care about anything in my life, because a) nothing really matters and b) nothing can hurt you that way. A few things do slip through occasionally though even if I try not to admit it. One of those things is obviously Bret Easton Ellis, but the themes that Bret Easton Ellis writes about and I care for, are moral decline and emotional absence, so I think they cancel each other out. How can I care strongly about not caring, right?
In any case, another thing that I used to care about a lot (to the point of obsession) was music. I don’t remember doing anything else from the ages of 13 to 21 apart from listen to music. I still listen to music a lot of course, but I find it hard to really connect with anything that has been released since I became emotionally bankrupt.
I became emotionally bankrupt in mid-2005 so any songs that have come out since then, I find hard to care about. So to sum up:
1993 to 2001: I obsessed about music. I would challenge anyone to compete against me on music knowledge for those years. It’s the only thing I have full on confidence in in my life.
2001 to 2005: I liked music a lot but had grown out of it a bit. I still bought and loved lots of records and went to lots of gigs, but it wasn’t the main reason for my existence.
2005 onwards: Having become devoid of feeling I still listen to music a lot but I don’t get most of it
So I wanted to come up with a short list of bands that I really, really loved back when I wasn’t relentlessly hollow and see if anyone who reads this can identify. Obviously the genre I’m talking about is British indie / alternative, so forgive me if this doesn’t mean much to a lot of you and it’s a bit self indulgent. I will leave out the obvious “well known” offenders (like The Smiths, Suede) and just focus on a few, not very successful bands that may have been forgotten by now. Not by me though.
If you have records by these bands, please be my friend. And, additionally, this is a long shot, but if you know and love the following 2 songs, please marry me: “Homeboy” by Adorable and “Atta girl” by Heavenly.
Now I would like to pay tribute to one of the readers of the blog. This reader leaves comments under the name Travis.
Travis must be relatively new to this blog, as he has only been commenting in the last 10 days or so. He has a lot of opinions, but sadly nobody wants to hear them. This is because Travis is unique, in the sense that he combines absolute and utter ignorance about everything (it’s scary really) with a nasty bitchiness. Think of a dumb Joan Rivers.
But don’t let me try to convince you. Let’s go through and analyse all the comments he has left so far so you can make up your own mind.
On Monday the 3rd of September I posted a picture of a fit guy and said that he’s 34 times hotter than me.
Travis said: “40 times better. Your nipples are way too big.”
Assessment: At this point this can be taken as a humorous comment. I take the piss out of people so I can expect it back. The nipples comment is a bit disconcerting, mainly because I can’t imagine myself going on someone’s blog and starting a conversation on the size of their nipples or the length of their toes or something, but anyway
On Wednesday the 12th of September I wrote that plumbers only make £25,000 a year, so I probably wouldn’t want to leave my current job and do that.
Travis said: “You are only 27 and making over $50,000? What are you crying about?”
Assessment: Once again, on its own, this isn’t an offensive comment. It does give us some insight into Travis though. Saying that I’m “only 27” must mean that he’s a lot older than me. Converting the currency into dollars must mean he’s American. Thinking that an income of £25,000/$50,000 is exceptional must mean he lives in a trailer park.
On Thursday the 13th of September I wrote about going back to University to study Osteopathy.
Travis said: “After the 4 years of college then there is 2 to 6 years of residency. Become a plumber. Think of all the bathrooms you will see. Why don't you have any body hair?”
Assessment: Travis’ good-hearted nature comes through once again. I imagine he lost his job with the American version of the Samaritans (a charity that people call when they’re feeling suicidal, etc) after 2 days, as he was pushing people over the edge, including those who had just got the wrong number.
Furthermore, the obsessive assessment of my body is starting to really kick in now, focusing on hair. It must be unheard of to have a naturally smooth chest in Travis’ trailer park
On Saturday the 15th of September I wrote something about massaging people when I’m an Osteopath. I also posted a picture of myself wearing a rugby top.
Travis said: “Being an Osteopath does not mean you will be doing massages. Your body looks way out of proportion.”
Assessment: Graduate careers website Prospects tells us that one of an Osteopath’s typical work activities is “facilitating the body's ability to heal itself through stretching, massage, deep massage and gentle manipulation”. Travis, however, begs to differ. They’re not gonna tell him what to do! If he wants to be an Osteopath who just sits there and stares at people, that’s what he will do.
With regard to the body comment (and the continuing obsession with my appearance), I’m a little confused. What does my body look “way out of proportion” with? The train in front of me? The tracks? The shining lights? I presume that Travis wants to say that my shoulders are out of proportion with my waist or something. Admittedly Travis, yes I do have a wide 42-inch chest and a slim 30-inch waist and a nice curvy bum. The whole universe for the last 2,500 years has led me to believe that this is a good body shape for a man. I guess it’s Travis against the world again, believing that men should have narrow shoulders, a big fat belly and no arse.
Anyway, I just thought I’d write this and put the end to it. As I’ve said before when I don’t like something I cut it out, so I’m afraid I won’t be publishing any more Travis comments (entertaining as they are). Travis, please don’t comment anymore as I won’t even read anything that arrives under that name – I will just delete it immediately.
If any of the other readers want to interact with Travis and find out what job he does that gives him such infinite knowledge on everything or receive pictures of his fantastic in-proportion, hairy, regular-size-nippled body, please leave a comment with your email address and I’m sure Travis will be in touch.
Also if Travis sets up a new name and continues to comment, I will not publish those comments either, it really won’t be too hard to spot that inimitable, completely unknowledgeable bitchy style.
Sorry if people think this is a cop out, but this is my blog and I’m the King of it and I’ll do what I likes innit.
I have 2 songs by Chic and I’ve played them 19 times
I have 2 songs by Chicago and I’ve played them 83 times
I have 4 songs by Chicane and I’ve played them 170 times