On Tuesday I log on here and see that “London Preppy” has left a comment on the blog and first I get very worried because I don’t remember writing that stuff, but then I remember that I gave Matty my password so he can comment when he wants because he’s too lazy to open his own account.
So, Matty says:
“Hello. I'm hijacking your login to comment. Although your daily hits may be rising faster than your salary I feel with these flash-backs to your old blog that you're alienating your loyal "fans" (I use the term loosely; looser than a towel wrapped around your waist in the showers at the gym). All I want is new, funny and exciting news and stories on a daily basis. Not much to ask surely? Otherwise I look forward to reading about seeing Ian Thorpe, hospital antics last year and your international rowing career. Matty”
Matty appears to have a problem with me rehashing the Abercrombie story, but quite frankly it’s a good story that needs to be told. To everyone. Also there are unanswered questions left from it, like:
“What is the name of the blonde recruitment woman?”
“Dominique: Where is she now?”
“Should I have sucked Alex’s cock in the toilets at Prêt to get the £6.50/hr job?”
Anyway, here’s a quick explanation on the other stories Matt mentions:
Ian Thorpe: I used to swim a lot and I was obsessed with Ian Thorpe, not because he’s hot (which he’s not) or because he’s gay (which he is), but because he’s a great swimmer. And my obsession conveniently peaked in 2002 when I used to live in Manchester and Ian came there to take part in the Commonwealth Games. At that point I was working as a lifeguard in the swimming pool where the Games took place and I spent quite a lot of the time stalking him and taking pictures. I.e. if somebody was drowning at the other end of the pool I wouldn’t have noticed them because Ian was sneezing or something and I was busy observing. (He never sneezed by the way, that would have been too good). I still have a massive picture I took of him with his nice Gold medal above my toilet in my flat right now.
My international rowing career: A few months after I moved to London in 2004, in my constant pursuit to a) make new friends, b) keep fit, c) be a normal person who plays sport and d) ogle at sexy athletes, I joined a rowing club. Obviously with a height of 5’8” I was a natural talent in a sport that requires you to be 6’2” minimum to get anywhere, but I kept doing this every weekend for about 4 months.
This involved getting up at 0645 on Saturdays and Sundays, catching a tube and a bus to the Club in order to be there for 0745 and killing myself rowing up an down the Thames for the next 2 hours with a bunch of other obsessives having nothing better to do before dawn on a Sunday in December.
This rowing phase coincided with me coming out, so eventually it occurred to me that a) I would rather pass out on the floor in Fire at 9am on a Sunday morning instead of passing out on a river bank in West London and b) the rowers weren’t that sexy after all, a bit too tall and with not enough definition. So I quit.
Finally, I have confirmed that I’m doing the AXM photoshoot on Thursday, so until then I am only eating chicken, tuna and green leaves. In case I get too hungry, Pam from the office has kindly made the following offer:
“Want me to bring you a toilet roll and a bowl of water?”
I have 1 song by Belly and I've played it 11 times
I have 1 song by The Beloved and I've played it 16 times
I have 1 song by Ben E King and I've played it 19 times