Wednesday, 1 August 2007

Wednesday 01/08/07

On Tuesday I log on here and see that “London Preppy” has left a comment on the blog and first I get very worried because I don’t remember writing that stuff, but then I remember that I gave Matty my password so he can comment when he wants because he’s too lazy to open his own account.

So, Matty says:

“Hello. I'm hijacking your login to comment. Although your daily hits may be rising faster than your salary I feel with these flash-backs to your old blog that you're alienating your loyal "fans" (I use the term loosely; looser than a towel wrapped around your waist in the showers at the gym). All I want is new, funny and exciting news and stories on a daily basis. Not much to ask surely? Otherwise I look forward to reading about seeing Ian Thorpe, hospital antics last year and your international rowing career. Matty”

Matty appears to have a problem with me rehashing the Abercrombie story, but quite frankly it’s a good story that needs to be told. To everyone. Also there are unanswered questions left from it, like:

“What is the name of the blonde recruitment woman?”

“Dominique: Where is she now?”

“Should I have sucked Alex’s cock in the toilets at Prêt to get the £6.50/hr job?”

Anyway, here’s a quick explanation on the other stories Matt mentions:

Ian Thorpe: I used to swim a lot and I was obsessed with Ian Thorpe, not because he’s hot (which he’s not) or because he’s gay (which he is), but because he’s a great swimmer. And my obsession conveniently peaked in 2002 when I used to live in Manchester and Ian came there to take part in the Commonwealth Games. At that point I was working as a lifeguard in the swimming pool where the Games took place and I spent quite a lot of the time stalking him and taking pictures. I.e. if somebody was drowning at the other end of the pool I wouldn’t have noticed them because Ian was sneezing or something and I was busy observing. (He never sneezed by the way, that would have been too good). I still have a massive picture I took of him with his nice Gold medal above my toilet in my flat right now.

My international rowing career: A few months after I moved to London in 2004, in my constant pursuit to a) make new friends, b) keep fit, c) be a normal person who plays sport and d) ogle at sexy athletes, I joined a rowing club. Obviously with a height of 5’8” I was a natural talent in a sport that requires you to be 6’2” minimum to get anywhere, but I kept doing this every weekend for about 4 months.

This involved getting up at 0645 on Saturdays and Sundays, catching a tube and a bus to the Club in order to be there for 0745 and killing myself rowing up an down the Thames for the next 2 hours with a bunch of other obsessives having nothing better to do before dawn on a Sunday in December.

This rowing phase coincided with me coming out, so eventually it occurred to me that a) I would rather pass out on the floor in Fire at 9am on a Sunday morning instead of passing out on a river bank in West London and b) the rowers weren’t that sexy after all, a bit too tall and with not enough definition. So I quit.

Finally, I have confirmed that I’m doing the AXM photoshoot on Thursday, so until then I am only eating chicken, tuna and green leaves. In case I get too hungry, Pam from the office has kindly made the following offer:

“Want me to bring you a toilet roll and a bowl of water?”

I have 1 song by Belly and I've played it 11 times
I have 1 song by The Beloved and I've played it 16 times
I have 1 song by Ben E King and I've played it 19 times


chabang said...

Instead of toilet roll i prefer no-tear kitchen-roll like Bounty (other brands are available); the non-tear fibres make it more chewy so it takes longer to eat and bulks out more. Because of the size you can cut it in to different shapes and add some variety - bounty fajita's anyone...?

Pete said...

Wow - didn't know that about Ian Thorpe. Do you have some bog roll recipes you could share with us? I think it could use more flavour.

London Preppy said...

chabang: You're obviously a gourmet in paper eating - Bounty is the caviar in this category. Thanks for the tip!

pete: Well, you know, "allegedly", I can't promise anything.

A cook book for toilet roll sounds like an idea with huge commercial appeal. Maybe I'll write a blog about that.

Bobby Vanquish said...

Are you mad?
You can swim and chose to do rowing instead of waterpolo. In our school the first polo team were always MUCH hotter than the rowers. Except they always had long toe-nails.

And also in polo you can't make silly gayish jokes about guys stroking the cox or "listen to the mouth going on that cox" etc.

Tim in Italy said...

Now, if you coated the Bounty with a thin chocolate covering...

chabang said...

i've been experimenting - if you put a sheet of bounty in the toaster, chop up, sprinkle with chease et voila - nacho's anyone?

k4 said...

I rarely have the patience to sit down and read blogs because a lot of the time they are too long, ranty, and boring. On the other hand, yours is a breeze to endure. Keep up the good work!

Knight said...

Ian is retired now and he has a line of Oxygen underwear here in Oz.Perhaps he should come out with edible ones,that would sell faster than toilet rolls?

Danny Edwards said...

Hey Londonpreppy,

I found your blog last night, and have been enjoying reading it over the last day.

Two things leap to mind immediately after digesting some of the blog, and they are not intended as insults, just observations, although I suppose they could be construed either way. In any case there is no malice intended, just adding to the whole narrative 2-way street that blogs are so good at providing. After all, I don't know you.

(a) You mention several times how you wish to be anonymous, and even go to the trouble of blacking out your face in the images you post, but then provide enough detail in other posts "I was in this magazine, with these friends, at this club, who were doing this" that anyone with 5 mins spare would be able to find a complete photo of you. I'm not from London, and am only just now becoming familiar with the gay press, and clubs, and it took only a couple of minutes. I'm sure you realise this, at least on some level.

(b) Your writing style is almost exactly like Bret's own. I'm almost postively sure this is intentional on your part however, so this isn't a criticism, and I actually enjoy the juxtaposition - as who else would Patrick Bateman be in 2007 than a professional gym-going, gucci-buying, solarium-indulging ipod-wearing club-attending gay man? Who said the 80's were over? Genius.

Ben said...

Just discovered your blog. Read a couple of others, like "Gay Banker". Yours is making me chuckle so much and I just love this post.
There are a few standard gay blogs out there of twenty-something gay guys in london but yours beats the rest for its sharpness and what often seems like unintended humour.
Really great, keep it up. And keep sending ridiculous, bitchy emails to ridiculous, bitchy brands.

B said...

Sorry that comment was meant for your blog about A & F, not this one.