Monday and Tuesday are very busy days at work and that’s never fun, but at least I’ve got next week off so I won’t start taking Valium at work just yet.
On the positive side, there’s something else that keeps me going: I have decided to replace my 1100 can of tuna with a carby snack instead, because I realized I was eating about 400 grams of protein on a daily basis, which a) is a bit pointless and b) would leave me with no kidneys in two years’ time. Because apparently eating too much protein fucks up your kidneys a bit and I suppose in the dilemma – big muscles vs kidneys you have to choose the kidneys (even though you have two).
So from now on at 1100 I have a bagel with peanut butter and apricot jam (toasted). Because I’m very simple, this is enough to make me excited from late evening onwards, because I can go to bed and think about waking up, going to the office, doing some work and then suddenly before I know it, it’s time to eat a nice toasted bagel.
So on Monday after work I go to the gym and I do biceps and triceps listening to Suffer Little Children by The Smiths non-stop and then I get home, where my internet isn’t working and there’s nothing good on TV, so I put on 3 episodes of Sex And The City and watch them before I go to bed. I don’t like this programme by the way, I’m just scraping the bottom of the barrel here until somebody buys me the Family Guy DVDs.
However, when I go to bed I start having some mild panic attacks and of course I can’t sleep, and the panic attacks mainly involve my photoshoot last week. And I’m worried that the picture might end up on the cover of the magazine and I’m starting to really worry about that and feel very self conscious. And more specifically my thoughts are:
- I shouldn’t have done this photo shoot, particularly after I decided that I didn’t want to have my picture taken ever again
- What exactly am I trying to achieve? It’s not going to help my “modeling career” (because I don’t have one and I don’t want to pursue one)
- Why did I do it? I don’t want to appear sexually attractive to the people that will see it / buy the magazine; there is no point in that as I’m in a relationship and not looking to sleep around
- It’s going to come across really tacky and embarrassing and I already feel like I should leave the country during the month when it’s out. Remember, it involves me wearing nothing but a hat in front of my knob and/or pulling faces at a naked drag queen sitting on a photocopier. Read back this sentence and tell me you wouldn’t want to kill yourself too if you were me
- How different is it really taking your clothes off and having your picture taken to being a prostitute? Why do I make wrong choices like that?
And with these thoughts the last time I look at the clock it’s 0330 and I still haven’t slept.
On Tuesday, in the morning light I feel a bit more relaxed and decide that it’s not that bad and at the end of the day nothing really matters.
I have 7 songs by Beyonce and I’ve played them 88 times
I have 1 song by Bill Withers and I’ve played it 8 times
I have 2 songs by Billie Piper and I’ve played them 11 times