Tuesday, 7 August 2007

Tuesday 07/08/07

Monday and Tuesday are very busy days at work and that’s never fun, but at least I’ve got next week off so I won’t start taking Valium at work just yet.

On the positive side, there’s something else that keeps me going: I have decided to replace my 1100 can of tuna with a carby snack instead, because I realized I was eating about 400 grams of protein on a daily basis, which a) is a bit pointless and b) would leave me with no kidneys in two years’ time. Because apparently eating too much protein fucks up your kidneys a bit and I suppose in the dilemma – big muscles vs kidneys you have to choose the kidneys (even though you have two).

So from now on at 1100 I have a bagel with peanut butter and apricot jam (toasted). Because I’m very simple, this is enough to make me excited from late evening onwards, because I can go to bed and think about waking up, going to the office, doing some work and then suddenly before I know it, it’s time to eat a nice toasted bagel.

So on Monday after work I go to the gym and I do biceps and triceps listening to Suffer Little Children by The Smiths non-stop and then I get home, where my internet isn’t working and there’s nothing good on TV, so I put on 3 episodes of Sex And The City and watch them before I go to bed. I don’t like this programme by the way, I’m just scraping the bottom of the barrel here until somebody buys me the Family Guy DVDs.

However, when I go to bed I start having some mild panic attacks and of course I can’t sleep, and the panic attacks mainly involve my photoshoot last week. And I’m worried that the picture might end up on the cover of the magazine and I’m starting to really worry about that and feel very self conscious. And more specifically my thoughts are:

- I shouldn’t have done this photo shoot, particularly after I decided that I didn’t want to have my picture taken ever again

- What exactly am I trying to achieve? It’s not going to help my “modeling career” (because I don’t have one and I don’t want to pursue one)

- Why did I do it? I don’t want to appear sexually attractive to the people that will see it / buy the magazine; there is no point in that as I’m in a relationship and not looking to sleep around

- It’s going to come across really tacky and embarrassing and I already feel like I should leave the country during the month when it’s out. Remember, it involves me wearing nothing but a hat in front of my knob and/or pulling faces at a naked drag queen sitting on a photocopier. Read back this sentence and tell me you wouldn’t want to kill yourself too if you were me

- How different is it really taking your clothes off and having your picture taken to being a prostitute? Why do I make wrong choices like that?

And with these thoughts the last time I look at the clock it’s 0330 and I still haven’t slept.

On Tuesday, in the morning light I feel a bit more relaxed and decide that it’s not that bad and at the end of the day nothing really matters.

I have 7 songs by Beyonce and I’ve played them 88 times
I have 1 song by Bill Withers and I’ve played it 8 times
I have 2 songs by Billie Piper and I’ve played them 11 times

8 comments:

Andre said...

I understand your concerns about the photoshoot. I think it all depends on the reasons why someone accepts to be photographed. Is it because the model is a narcisistic exhibionist, because he needs the money or because he has an artistic approach to the world of commercial photography?

Anyway, my reason would be to be in the same picture (or at least int he same room) with a drag queen on a photocopier!

London Preppy said...

andre: I don't think I can really be hypocritical about this - in my case 80% exhbitionist. But I'm slightly over than now in my old age, maybe that's why I'm feelign guilty...

Pete said...

Stories like these make life interesting and make me want to read your blog. Isn't it the kick and the diversion that make you do it?

I would probably do it myself if I had the guts for it.

chabang said...

Keep eating protein and just make sure your doctor knows the location of any donor-compatable relatives....

DAMO said...

You worry too much mrs!
hehe
Noooooo u r not old please don't say that!!!!!!!!!!!
I worry every night now I am slipping towards 27!!!!!!!!!!!!!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I feel like I am skidding towards the grave eeeeeeeeeeeeek! (brakes!) lol
I cannot wait to read what you have put in it! Though to be honest, I will probably be fully aware of it as you may have already shared that with us on here. (sort of a preview)
Though that pic wi the tranny/ whateva is guna be a highlight! People will see that you have a sense of humour!!!!!! yey!

Thadius said...

So is the toilet paper on the outs too?

Superdrewby said...

Everyting is a form of prostitution where you give some sort of yourself for money. Whether it's show your body or sell your intellectual time.

Personally the idea of those photos is visually appealing and taken teh correct way a lot of fun!

London Preppy said...

pete: I guess you're right. I do this because otherwise I would be REALLY bored and have nothing to look forward to apart from going to work day in day out

chabang: I will size up my sister when I go home next week. "So, how are your kidneys working these days"

damo: I haven't written the article yet (but yes, it will be similar to what I write on here). The article is going in, the month after the shoot - so for October issue

thadius: I wasn't told anything about toilet paper, so that's still on the menu

superdrewby: I'm keeping my fingers crossed :-)