Thursday, 9 August 2007

Thursday 09/08/07

On Wednesday after work I go to H&M and buy some new swimming shorts in preparation for my trip to Athens next week. They have to be less gay than the swimming trunks I currently wear, in order to fool my dad so he won’t cut my out of the will. If I ever want to have a chance of buying an apartment in London I’ve got to sell all that property in Athens. Other things I have to sort out before I go back:

- Buy a whole new wardrobe really
- Be less gym-muscly
- Hide my tattoo
- Find a fake girlfriend
- Grow some chest hair (out of nowhere)

But the swimming shorts are definitely a start.

At the gym I do chest in a desperate attempt to look more like the Sexy Gym Steroid Guy from yesterday’s post, but as I have no chance really (I’m staying clear of steroids at the moment cause my internal organs too much and would rather have a functioning liver than 18 inch biceps), I decide that my only other way to emulate him is to have sticky out gay nipples.

This is a long term project of course, but you’ve got to start somewhere, so when I go home I put on some nipple clamps that I find in a drawer (by chance) and keep them on for 3 hours. This is actually very painful and by that point I can’t lift my arms / move around on the sofa / they’ve given me a headache / my stomach hurts. I don’t know how all these symptoms can be caused by a tight grip around your nipples for an extended period of time, but the picture below might give you an idea of the pain and agony.

Unfortunately, as anyone who has had a similar experience will testify, the worst pain is yet to come and it occurs when you actually take them off. For the first few seconds I am jumping around and shouting in absolute torture, but that’s fine, I’m willing to put up with this if it’s going to make me sexy.

On Thursday daytime, the following things happen:

- The magazine I did the shoot for last week had told me that I would get to see some first pictures on Friday or Monday, so today I email them for the second time and ask if they’re available yet. I get sent one picture (I’m not going to put it up here yet because I’m not sure I’m allowed to do that before the magazine is out). Then I email them again and ask if this is the picture that will be used on the cover, but I never hear back, so I presume that no, my picture will probably not be going on the cover and they have chosen one of the Hollyoaks guys instead or something. Which does make sense really, as those people are famous (well, within reason) and I’m not

EDIT: Err...I guess I was wrong, they got back to me and I'll be on the cover. Eeek.

- I receive some pictures from the Brighton Pride weekend that friends took, so here’s one from the chill out we went to after the party. This is Donnell, Brendan and me sleeping. See, it’s a real chill out with people sleeping and not an orgy “chill out” like I guess everyone else was having at the same time. Not that I look down on those, if I were single I’d probably be there too

I have 5 songs by Bis and I've played them 53 times
I have 56 songs by Bjork and I've played them 374 times
I have 1 song by Black and I've played it 20 times


Trybaby said...

Yeah definitely don't bring your board shorts with all the fairies all over it. Oh and don't take the nipple clamps people might, and I say might, think you are a giant homosexual. Oh and try not to hold or be around phallic objects especially penises. I think these are all simple things we can all do to avoid familial alienation.

Superdrewby said...

Just happened to find the nipple clamps in the draw?

really is that so!

and where was scott while you were self mutilating I am mean torturing, sorry I mean growing your niples shouldnt he have been helping?

London Preppy said...

superdrewby: This is my story and I'm sticking to it!

Spamouflage said...

I have 1,000 Steps and Kylie songs and I won't say how often I play them!

Matt said...

After reading today's story, all I have in my head is the imagery of this awful TV commercial about a guy with giant nipples and he ends up knocking everything over with them. I couldn't remember what it was for or even if it was on in the UK or Austrlia, so I googled it and here it is :

Australian TV ad for Ice Mentos, but was originally made for Italy.

So moral of my comment is: please don't use those torturous devices as this will happen to you and then when you post pictures in future it will make me vomit, instead of being visually appealing to the eyes as you are now!

Pete said...

I always used to think nipple clamps were like the Loch Ness monster. People talk about them, but they don't really exist. Was I wrong. Ouch!

Btw, you have managed to persuade me to cut down on the carbs, but I'm not up to cat food or bog roll yet.

London Preppy said...

matt: Just saw the ad...mmm...not so nice! I'll have a look for the nipples I actually want and maybe put a picture in the next blog

Tim in Italy said...

Just on the off chance, I looked through every drawer in the house and didn't find any nipple clamps "by chance". I did find a pair of hand cuffs, a dildo, several bottles of lube and 35 Euro in various denomination bills and coins. Please accept my thanks.

I don't suppose you'll be sending off regular missives from sunny Athens on the sheer dullness of straight role-playing - or will you?

London Preppy said...

tim: I think I will be posting from Athens, maybe not every day but we'll see. Not much else to do there.

Hamilton said...

are big nipples the new thing or are those supposed to be hot. I actually hate it when my nipples poke through my nicely fitted tees.