Thursday, 30 August 2007

Thursday 30/08/07

On Wednesday lunchtime I’m walking back to the office and I go past a restaurant and this is what’s going on there: The restaurant is actually on the other side of the (relatively narrow) street. The pavement right outside the restaurant is empty apart from some big fat guy in a suit (I believe they are called minders). On the other side of the street – the pavement where I’m walking along – there is a huge crowd of people.

The crowd includes around 10 people with massive cameras (I believe they are called paparazzi) and a large number of onlookers (women, children, office workers on their break, some gays) all watching the restaurant.

The natural assumption is that some kind of famous person is having lunch and is expected to come out sooner or later. I could go even further and assume that this might be some very famous person, because otherwise I don’t think anyone would care that much. This is central London after all.

At that point I am faced with 3 options:

1) Walk past and mind my own business, pretending not to care
2) Stand there and wait with the 34 other people for God knows what
3) Ask somebody who the famous person we are getting excited about it, evaluate whether it’s worth my time and make my decision based on that

What would you do?

In the 6 seconds that I have to make my decision as I’m walking past in front of the crowd, I choose option 1 and make the additional choice not to turn my head at all (either towards the restaurant or the people), because I’m thinking that I’m too good for this and nothing can be interesting enough to attract my attention.

The conclusion is: if you’re conceited and up your own arse, you will never see any celebrities.

Also yesterday, I’m going through the usual blogs that I read and I see that Bobby over at the Bobby Vanquish, presents a superficial challenge to his readers. Apparently we have to show a picture of our legs. A superficial challenge is my favourite kind of challenge, because lacking any other traits (mental, cognitive, personality-related) this is my only opportunity to do well. So here’s a picture of my legs.

You will notice that it focuses on my thighs, because to be honest my calves aren’t anything much to write home about, so I’ve got to focus on my strengths, right?



Finally, I will play my occasional game of making comments to emails people have sent in to the London Lite newspaper, which I pick up and “read” (i.e. glance at) on the tube on the way home.

London currently has 3 free newspapers that are handed out on the streets around public transport (Metro, The London Paper and London Lite). Those are best used to cover the seat that somebody has pissed on before you sit down.

All of them run columns where “readers” write in and rant about something. Those readers are usually bored secretaries or half-educated opinionated loudmouths who were inexplicably given access to email and decided to abuse it. What’s also interesting is that most of these comments are sent by people who live outside London (judging by their postcode), so we can assume they are also poor and can’t afford a flat here.

Before you go on to point it out, yes, I realize I’m no better than them with my self-absorbed ramblings on here, but as we keep saying, you’re on my side so you wouldn’t say that.

Here we go:

Sarah from “London” says: “I hate tourist sites in London, they’re full of rip-off prices and tourists. I always make a picnic and head to one of our parks. The water pedalos in Battersea Park are a favourite”

I says: Sarah. It is amazing that tourist sites are full of tourists. What are the odds of that? Maybe everyone should take your advice and travel 2,000 miles to go to London, so as to sit in a park with a bottle of Lambrini and get pissed. Maybe when you next go to Rome, you can ignore the Coliseum too and just spend 5 days sitting on a park bench staring at a tree.

Kat from TN9 (!) says: “I took a photo at the weekend of a youth at Bluewater (this is a shopping centre) whose waistband was lower than the end of his boxer shorts legs. Ridiculous”

I says: “A youth”? Anyway. Am I the only one who thinks this sounds like a good look? I want to try it. Plus it sounds sexy. Obviously too sexy for Kat, who trawls provincial shopping centres taking picures of teenagers’ underwear on her mobile phone.

Brian from SL8 says: “Anyone else deliberately target train seats that selfish people try to reserve with bags?”

I says: No Brian. Some of us actually live in London and have better things to do.

“Stu” from Amersham (no idea) says: “Everyone: Slow down, take a breath, daydream, say hello and smile to a stranger. It’s refreshing”

I says: Dear Stu. Fuck off. And don’t you dare smile at me.

I have 1 song by The Breeders and I’ve played it 8 times
I have 11 songs by Brett Anderson and I’ve played them 114 times
I have 15 songs by Britney Spears and I’ve played them 297 times

21 comments:

Andre said...

here's my flexed calf:

http://i58.photobucket.com/albums/g275/supereroe/foto167.jpg

I'm posting this here bc bobby hasn't accepted the comment yet.

297 times Britney Spears.. very impressive...

London Preppy said...

andre: That's a great calf right there. I would ask for tips but I think calves are a body part that you either have and you don't. Mine never seem to react to any exercise.

Maybe you should dedicate your blog one day to pictures of your legs ;-)

Andre said...

ahahah that would be very shallow and embarassing. So I guess I'll do it soon!

I got my calves from my mum (she looks like she has played soccer since high school). Plus, I'm a hip-hop dancer. Go to pineapple studios and try some classes. U'll see the results after a couple of relevé ;)

DAMO said...

ROFL!!!!!!!!!

BRILLIANT!

Simply brilliant!

More of your responses to the stupid people who write into the metro please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

fuzzy logic said...

You have more than one thing? I can't see that in the photo. Please post a zoomed-in picture.

Trybaby said...

After seeing your logos I thought that as you being a London Preppy and a newly minted British citizen I would make you a present. What kind of self respecting British Preppy would you be if you didn't have a crest? So here's a first draft that I hope you like the general design of. And of course I would like some of your input.(Sorry really long urls just copy it into your browser should work fine)

There are two versions right now but I'm thinking of using a Greek creature? Griffins, Manticores?

http://photos-d.ak.facebook.com
/photos-ak-sctm/v115/159/69/116
204190/n116204190_31511711_648.jpg

http://photos-d.ak.facebook.com
/photos-ak-sf2p/v112/159/69/116
204190/n116204190_31511683_2903.jpg

Nice legs! Can I throw mine humble legs into the ring? And these are legs that I don't work out, they just sorta got that way...? Well I used to play ultimate frisbee a lot if you know what that is, lots of sprinting. It's like American Football but with a disc but you can't run with the disc. ( don't make fun of my undies I know they are crappy)

http://i233.photobucket.com/albums
/ee168/trybaby/legs2.jpg?t=1188485412

Tell me what you think.

Trybaby said...

We have the metro too, I think it's the biggest free newspaper globally. It comes out every week day right? It does here.

Oh and to just explain my design. The helmet is obviously Greek and so are the laurels. And on the shield in the top left and bottom right those sections will be blue, like in the Greek flag. And in the other sections ( top right, bottom left) is the normal British flag. The swords on the shield are from the London flag and I'm unsure what the colour of the cross will be. I did this because you are Greek/LONDON Preppy/British Citizen, so I tried to mix it all together. You can tell me what to put on the ribbon under the shield, looks like it has enough space for "London Preppy" and 2 other things one on each side like chocolate and working out, I don't know you tell me.

London Preppy said...

trybaby: Wow I have to say, I'm amazed, thank you very much! I might have to write about this tomorrow. I prefer the second pattern with the dragons on either side (I think because of the obsessive compulsive thing that I have, I like things to be symmetrical). Definitely like the Greek helmet at the top.

Also I'm starting to think that the only way to get good legs is to play sport, but I'm not prepared to do that

Knight said...

I have met celebrities and did the same thing too (walk straight past without making a fool out of myself) because I am too proud to admit I care! I am such an arse!

On a diff note, i thought the ones you had on were the england ones..

London Preppy said...

knight: The underwear actualyl says Property of New Zealand. Bought them cause I like the coutnry obviously

Trybaby said...

I'm so relieved that you like it! ^_^

No totally I like the two dragons on either side but I just thought I should show you. Actually the one with two dragons on either side was made from the one with the man. I just put a dragon and a man on either side just to test what they would look like separately with the intention of putting the same thing on each side. And really I didn't like the little soldier when i drew it because I thought that having 3 helmets would have been too many, but my cousin seemed to really like the asymmetrical one so I though I should at least show you.

London Preppy said...

trybaby: The mixed flag idea is brilliant, definitely keep the colours as you say. Hmmm...2 other words, let me think about that one

Trybaby said...

But sports are fun when you win. You get to feel high and mighty. And then bitter when you lose. And all the team camaraderie and admiration from your peers. It makes my life less boring. And you get a skill, maybe not a bankable skill but a skill none the less. And doing all that exertion and straining yourself to push harder is all the more worth it when you score.

Tim in Italy said...

My God, man! You're on the verge of becoming a profit center! Scratch everything I said earlier. You can take care of me!

London Preppy said...

tim: Is this in reference to the London Preppy merchandise? Lol sadly I haven't seen a wild interest yet!

Trybaby said...

Oh you could put the crest on a polo shirt and then it would be like it was a school shirt? And I think it would look cool on a hat or a mug. And about the two words they could be in Latin or Greek, just an idea.

Jason said...

Hey.. you know.. you were talking about that apostrophe cafe/place/thingy.. where in london is it exactly? dropping by in Lon next week, and a cup of molten chocolate seems very, attractive. cheers. : P

London Preppy said...

jason: There's a few of them. Here's the website: www.apostropheuk.com

Knight said...

Really? Then have you not consider traveling down under? After all, you did want to see the world!

Tim in Italy said...

Hey LP, I'm here with my friend Perry from Athens:

Ti ginetai? Pos se lene? Isai Ellinas? Ego zo sto Los Angeles, alla imai apo tin Athina.

the one in your dreams said...

honestly, i am the type to just keep walking and not give a thought to who is there.

however the other month when i was in london, we were trying to walk past/thru a crowd but prevented from going any further by officers...so we impatient americans waited a few minutes until HRH prince charles breezed by directly in front of us.