So on Wednesday when I’m still in Athens, Scott sends me a text and tells me that AXM is out in London. At that point obviously I freak out and I ring straight back to find out a) which pictures have been used and b) what I have been quoted as saying. Scott doesn’t remember any of these things obviously (he hasn’t bought the magazine, he just saw it) so I send him back to the shop for a thorough description.
As in the previous post about the covers I’ve accidentally been on, here is a description of this new one.
Cover No.5: AXM September 2007
Good things about this cover:
- I only look 50% retarded
- At least I’m not grinning
- I’m wearing a red Kabbalah wristband which will work wonders in protecting me from the Evil Eye (or make people think I’m even more of a cunt, I’m not sure which)
Bad things about this cover:
- I don’t know what I’m doing with my right hand – perhaps stroking myself?
- I don’t know what I’m doing with my left hand either – why am I holding an orange baseball cap there, hmm?
- I look way too thin and not very muscly
“Interesting” fact about this cover:
- Seriously, I promise it will be my last one, as I’m never doing a photoshoot again
Anyway, my interview inside isn’t all that bad and I haven’t been misquoted on anything. It’s kinda boring though and I wish I could have given funny answers to the questions they asked me, but I’m not sure how humour comes across in print and I took the safe option of not taking the piss. Apart from where I say I only take my clothes of if a magazine is around.
This is another picture I took at the newsagent’s when I got back to London – here’s my daft, naked image squeezed between Janet Jackson, Posh and Becks, some guys making out on the cover of Gay Times, a completely destroyed bodybuilder and some naked broad on the cover of Front magazine (surely my female equivalent: a trashy, self absorbed whore). Classy.
Interestingly, the only person in this selection of magazine covers wearing any clothes is Janet Jackson. That’s 80% naked vs. 20% clothed magazine covers in September 2007.
Now then, what’s more exciting is that in the next issue I will be writing an article for AXM, so feel free to check that out in a month.
In the meantime, if you want to be nice:
a) Buy this month’s issue, so they don’t have a complete failure, make a huge loss, close down the magazine and blame my picture on the cover
b) Contact AXM and tell them how amazing the picture is / what a revolution in modern publishing this month’s cover has brought / how much you’re looking forward to reading my amazing insights next month.
Let’s face it we all know I just look like some stupid kid with neck cramp holding a hat in front of his crotch but you are supposed to be on my side innit.
I have 3 songs by The Bloodhound Gang and I've played them 20 times
I have 1 song by Blueboy and I've played it 7 times
I have 7 songs by The Bluetones and I've played them 37 times