Friday, 24 August 2007

Friday 24/08/07

On Friday I pill myself up and go back to work, as I’ve had enough of sitting at home, resting my foot, not being able to go anywhere or do anything fun. Not to mention that the internet is not working.

Anyway, today’s topic is inspired by a cartoon Pam sent me earlier in the week. The cartoon shows an office where people revolt, smash things up, shut themselves out from the rest of the world and eventually start their own little society – in there.

So Pam says, how would you like it if that happened in here, and I says, sure you can go ahead with that but let me get out first, and then Pam says what about if it was all men stuck in here and I says, fair enough as long as I can choose who those men will be.

And because on Thursday I’m stuck at home with no internet access and unable to go anywhere, I actually do have a think about it and choose the dudes that I want to get stuck in the office with, and here they are. I’ve chosen 11 and put them in reverse order of preference.

No.11: Russian gymnast Aleksei Nemov

This guy was a very famous and successful gymnast in the 1990s. I remember thinking he was the perfect human being, but please try to remember I was very young and sheltered. Now I can spot some issues with his face plus he’s a bit top heavy. I would go on the internet to find shirtless pictures of him, and I remember reading on messageboards how disappointed people were that he was straight and married, and I don’t really get that – even if he were gay, so what, as if I’m gonna meet him anyway.

No.10: English footballer Michael Clegg

I base this infatuation on only 2 shirtless pictures I have found on the internet. Again, this is a guy I used to like when I was 18 or something. I usually don’t like footballers because they have scrawny upper bodies (e.g. David Beckham – look at his arms, his chest. Am I really going to fancy that? No). Although they might have good legs, they still look unbalanced. Michael is an exception because (google tells me) he’s a “keen bodybuilder and owns a gym with his brother”. Michael was signed to Manchester United but he really was crap so I don’t think he played any games. In any case he has nice boobs, so who cares. Mind you, I bet he’s old, fat and married now.

No. 9: American martial arts fighter Matt Hughes

I love Matt and the fact that he’s a fighter and he has a big square head. Also I bet Matt would really love me and he would break someone’s legs if they were mean to me. Before that, he might have to leave his wife and 2 children of course. Also I love the fact that Matt is only 5’9”, so he’s short and muscled and compact.

No. 8: French straight porn star Sebastian Barrio

Sebastian used to be in straight porn that I watched before I came out. I would buy straight porn, but obviously focus on the men. I am quite sure that I have watched more straight porn in my life than gay. I don’t know why I’m attracted to this guy who looks like an Eastern European car thief, but I am.

No.7: English footballer Frank Lampard

Yes, yes I know, Frank is another footballer and he actually has thin arms and no chest, but I like him. He’s your average English lad-type person, which is quite sexy. On top of that he shaves his armpits when he goes on holiday (as seen in British tabloids), so we will get on like a house on fire. Let’s hope he doesn’t want to talk about football, because quite frankly I’m just not that interested.

No. 6: British actor Christian Bale

You all know Christian Bale and I actually only want him for the way he looks in American Psycho. I do have some issues with his face (what the hell is going on with that nose?) but I’ll put up with that I suppose. Also, because his body in American Psycho is so preened and worked out to perfection, it will be almost impossible to maintain in the long term (without religious training and diet). I am only building myself up for disappointment here. Hmm…maybe he shouldn’t be this high up after all.

No. 5: English rugby player Jonny Wilkinson

Another gay fantasy cliché, I actually fancy but dislike Jonny. Jonny seems to have a complex about his appearance. After he won the Rugby World Cup for England a few years back, there was huge media interest in him. Sadly, Jonny has issues and he didn’t take advantage of any of that. It’s like he’s scared to be admired. I also imagine him to be fucking dull. What you need is that face and body, with David Beckham’s needy, queeny, attention seeking personality. Then we’d have magic.

No. 4: American actor Seann William Scott

He was quite fanciable in Dude Where’s My Car, and the he went and discovered steroids, which elevated him to the next level. Mind you, if I’m gonna spend any time with him, he has to promise to be a little less hyper and shut up every now and then. Bobby Vanquish (see blog links), has recently made some implications about Seann and a closet, which is the first I’ve heard about it. Again though, what does it matter, as if he’s gonna go for me.

No. 3: English model Will Chalker

Will is a very successful male model. He comes with a story, which is that he used to be a builder, until a friend of his took some pictures and sent them off somewhere without Will knowing anything, and then Will suddenly became an international superstar. This is obviously made up bollocks, to give him a more “down to earth” appeal and a masculine, “I ain’t bothered about this fashion shit” edge. I’m sure the truth is that Will spent 3 months trawling around the London model agency circuit until he got accidentally signed. I actually like him for his down to earth appeal and masculine edge. Oh wait, the media campaign does work on gullible queens like me.

No.2: English rugby player Ben Cohen

Ben is big and rough and hairy – not unlike a grizzly bear. He combines that with an approachable, smiley face which makes him irresistible to every gay man I’ve ever known. Mind you, I bet he’s a bit disappointing in real life, because let’s face it, he’s way too hairy and also he has the body type that once he stops playing rugby on an international level, he will lose any definition he currently has and balloon up to 28 stone.

No.1: English rugby player Josh Lewsey

I love Josh. I don’t understand how anyone can be THAT big and THAT defined at the same time, but also look natural, not like some destroyed body builder. Also he seems like a great guy, but that is obviously just in my head, because I want to like him. In terms of fitness and general appeal, Josh makes me look subhuman in comparison.

I have 1 song by Bodyrox and I've played it 12 times
I have 1 song by Bon Garcon and I've played it 112 times
I have 2 songs by Bon Jovi and I've played them 43 times


Knight said...

*Ahem* 6 out of 11 are sports men..for a guy who don't like sports..that's pretty impressive!

London Preppy said...

knight: Ha! Indeed, I hadn't thought of it that way...6 sportsment, 1 model, 1 porn star, 2 actors, 1 fighter (I guess that sport too). Interesting.

Trybaby said...

You know what's strange? I keep listening to that clip of yours while looking at pictures of you. I don't know why it's quite mesmerizing. At first it was quite alien but now it fits. Now I can almost hear you say other things just extrapolating from that one sentence. And I now hear your voice when I read your words now, which is cool. I should probably stop scaring you with my OCD.

I like your 5,4,3, and 2. I think the number one person on my list would be Evandro Soldati. He's a Brazilian male model, oh gosh do I want him. I have a range in how big/beefy I like my guys and he's just a really great balance to me. Very muscley, defined, yet slim/compact. Well what can I say I just like the typical model built. I'm a corporate whore I guess.

This is the thing that did it for me. This clip pushed me over the edge and now I just love him to pieces. And there are times where he's not even paying attention/trying and it looks like it could be a photo. He's so adorable and cute and sexy in that clip I can't even stand it sometimes. And OMG his accent! Just try and not to love him.(Even though I know you like your guys on the steroidy side)

michael said...

You have terrible taste in men.

London Preppy said...

trybaby: Saw your clip and I have to say he's pretty but maybe too pretty. I like them a bit uglier

michael: Which brings me to this point - yes, yes I do

LordNelson said...

Bale is British, not American.

But not a bad list :P

Trybaby said...

Wow it's like that was scripted. Weird.

But yeah I can see where you are coming from. You like rugged MEN and not BOYS. I'm sure my tastes will change as I get older.

Hows your ankle by the way? Not so poofy (hehehe) any more?

OH and I know a British term for gay is puf'tah ,something like that, but is that mainly used in the pejorative or is it an acceptable term to say? I admit that I kinda like the sounds of it and how it rolls off the tongue. And I've also seen a show where they used "grip" as a euphemism for gay as well. If you could explain it's origin. Maybe it came from your "THE GRIP".

Simon said...

Sorry to be pedantic, but Christian Bale is actually English. Hard to believe because he does a great accent - especially in American Psycho - but he is born and bred in England.

While we're talking American Psycho, I love the deleted scene on the extras on the DVD where he's jerking off after failing to leave the tip of the condom clear while he's having sex with that woman. I don't know why but that's really hot. And wrong at the same time.

robin said...

A slight correction re: Christian Bale - born in Wales, raised primarily in England.

London Preppy said...

Eeek! Bale seems to be British then (just like me), sorry!

Tim in Italy said...

Travis Fimmel would certainly be on my list. When the CK "Crave" campaign first came out, a men's store nearby had floor to ceiling snaps of him wearing nothing but a thong. Huge basket. Do you know long it took to scrub that photographic ink off my face? They had to escort me out. Shameful, really.

Probably too boyish for you, but I thought he was heaven personified.

czechOUT said...

I emailed Alexi Nemov (was it 96 in Atlanta)-there was a facility you could email the ahletes). Just to let him know he was appreciated.


Josh said...

I like your number 1 and 5. Josh Lewsey is definitively my number one. And can`t think about anything I dont like about Josh Lewsey, so for the person that said you have terrible taste in men, i think he is wrong, and besides tastes in anything are something totally subjetive.

I thought I did this already said...

the most underrated totty ever: Sean William Scott - nice list

Ben said...

Good choices: Frank, Seann, Ben all a bit grrr :-D

I think you do need to add Mr Marco Dapper to your list too!

M@ said...

{yes I'm coming into this post very late. sorry}

Ah... Christian Bale. I would shatter the commandments for him.

Interesting story; He met his wife on the set of American Psycho. He said "She came on set, and it was the day we were filming the scene where I was naked, covered in blood and carrying a chainsaw and she said 'That's the man for me!"

I can't blame her, really.

BreadandButter said...

Your blokes of choice are ever so slightly A&F... as in the Mad TV series on YouTube

Having said that, my ex is potty about Frankie Lampard...