Sunday 15/07/07

On Thursday this week I get an idea. Suddenly I want to get a tattoo. I have never wanted to get a tattoo before, I actually find them relatively unattractive (that depends of course), and I particularly hate tribal / maori / freestyle ethnic designs. Everyone has them and they mean nothing to me. Not to mention that if you have a tattoo that covers your whole arm or something, it hides your muscles / definition, so what’ the point of not eating / going to the gym in the first place? Anyway, as I said suddenly it just hits me that I want to have the words Bret Easton Ellis tattooed on the inside of my left arm – across my bicep. I don’t know how this comes up originally but I can’t think of anything else.

Naturally I test this idea by asking a few good friends. The best response comes from Mean who says:

“Why the fuck not”.

I spend Friday typing the words in dozens of different fonts and I’m looking for something that looks stark, geometrical and sterile. I choose a font called Estrangelo Edessa Bold.

I guess I’m safe with this tattoo unless Bret Easton Ellis turns into a Nazi / paedophile / terrorist, or even worse as Bobby points out, his next book is absolute rubbish. But even so, I’ve got the tattoo now and as we all know nothing really matters (at least I’ve got the trademark Ellis nihilism nailed).

On Friday I also discuss this idea with the girls at work and we consider the fact that for the rest of my life I will be asked who Bret Easton Ellis is and why I decided to permanently burn his name across my arm. American Girl comes up with some alternative replies I can start giving when I get fed up with telling people that he’s my favourite writer (which sounds a bit poncey anyway).

Having a tattoo obviously makes me really hard and dangerous and working class, so the suggestions are as follows. Bret Easton Ellis is the:

- Name of my 12 year old son who I had with my first baby momma when she was 13

- Name of my cousin who was shot in a drive by from a rival gang

- Name of my father who died from falling off a bridge while highly intoxicated and stumbling home

- Name of my pitbull who was put to sleep after he mulled 3 young children

On Saturday I meet up with Scott and Donnell, I take a Valium and two paracetamol and we head to the tattoo place. Fifteen quick minutes later I come out with a permanent mark on my arm and £70 less in my pocket. I will post pictures of the procedure later (Scott has them on his phone at the moment), but here’s a couple more of the final result.

My favourite part of this is that when my arm is in a normal position the words are drawn on a completely straight line - as seen here…



…but when I flex my arm they get all wavy - as seen here:



On Sunday I listen to Suede sing the lyrics "cause on you my tattoo will be bleeding and the name will stain" on repeat for about 2 hours, because this is the only song I can think of the mentions tattoos and I love (The Wild Ones).

I have 5 songs by The Artful Dodger and I have played them 26 times
I have 8 songs by Ash and I’ve played them 49 times
I have 1 song by Asian Dub Foundation and I’ve played it 1 time